My Very Own Demolition LoveMCR FanFic
by emoprincess37
Summary: My Chemical Romance. Girl meets boy. Boy is a rock star. Boy falls in love with Girl. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy has secrets. Girl has secrets. Girl is just a normal person. Boy is Gerard Way, frontman of My Chemical Romance. Rated M for middle chapters, however it is OK for 15
1. Chapter 1 & 2 & 3

_A/N: Chapters 1,2,3 of my MCR fan-fic. Enjoy and please review!_

Chapter 1: The First Meeting

I walked backstage, clutching my girlfriend's hand. We had been best friends forever. Everything was hazy and fading in and out. I looked around and right before I could walk up to _them,_ the floor fell out from beneath me and I fell for what seemed like hours. Right before I fell on some sharp metal spikes, I woke up screaming.

My dog Scooby started barking at the window and I got out of bed to calm him down. I named him Scooby because I had obviously watched too many episodes of Scooby-Doo. But that was alright. I still watched it.

I got up from the floor and looked at the clock. _Shit _I thought. _I'm going to be late for work. _I raced over to my closet and pulled out a pair of black pants and a white blouse. I put on a black chunky bracelet and a simple silver chain necklace. I ran a brush through my hair and popped a mint in my mouth. I grabbed my purse and ran out the door, heels in hand. I put them on while I opened the car door and barely got the key in the ignition. I raced down the street and to my workplace.

I lived in Belleville New Jersey and was the assistant to a band manager. They were up and coming and had an audition today with The Belleville Club. They had just added a stage and needed local bands to play there. I pulled into the parking lot and parked next to my boss.

I got out of the car and checked my reflection in the side mirror. I looked decent at least. I walked up to the building and pushed open the door. I saw my boss talking on the phone. He hung up and turned around, and saw me.

"Brianna! Where the hell, have you been?"  
"I'm so sorry sir I overslept."  
"Well next time, you're going to be fired."  
"Yes sir."

"Go next door and get me a coffee. You know how I like it."

"Yes sir."

I rushed out the door and next door to Starbucks.

"What can I get you?" A nice young lady asked me.

"I'll take a white chocolate mocha with a shot of caramel, a shot of Irish crème, a shot of almond, and a shot of crème de mint. I want cinnamon sprinkled over the top and extra foamy with extra whipped cream and regular cocoa. Venti please."

She had pulled out a piece of paper and written everything down. She looked at me like I was crazy and a giant asshole but I didn't care. It wasn't for me.

"And also a venti pumpkin spice latte."

She grinned at the short order and got to work. I pulled out a $10 dollar bill and put it on the counter. She came over a few minutes later with my order and rang me up.

"Keep the change please."

I took the drinks and walked back next door, sipping my coffee in the process. I handed him his coffee and he smirked at me. He went back to watching the band practice and talking to the café manager. I stood behind Mr. Vallardi the whole time, just like I had been taught.

At the end of the day I went home and got ready to go out with my friend. We had gotten concert tickets and I was super excited about going to see the band. They were my all time favorite: My Chemical Romance.

I slipped on my torn-edge black tank and skinny jeans and teased my hair. I put on my make-up and gloss. I heard the doorbell ring just as I slipped on my Vans. I hurriedly put in an extension and rushed to the door. I grabbed my purse and made sure my tickets, camera, and backstage passes were there. I grabbed my cell phone and we ran out the door.

"Oh my god Cameron, I can't believe we scored tickets!"  
"And passes! This is going to be the best!"

"I know! I love their new album it totally rocks."

We were in the car now; Cameron stepped on the ignition and pulled out of the driveway and towards the arena. It was a good hour away so we had a lot of time to kill. I popped in their first CD and turned the music up as loud as I could handle-which is very loud. We were blaring their music all the way to the show. By the time we got there we had just started 'I'm Not Okay'.

She pulled into a spot close to the arena and we ran inside. It was extremely dark and there were excited people screaming and yelling all over. There were a few booths set up that were selling merch.

I fingered my lip piercing, wary of it getting ripped from my mouth by some crazy person. I had gotten it when I had fallen in love with the band. I had taken a picture of Frank into a tattoo parlor, pointed to his lip ring and said 'I want a lip ring exactly like his.' I had sat in the chair patiently and screamed when it was over. I had nursed my poor lip for weeks, but was ecstatic with the result. I had shown all my friends my new ring and they were happy for me.

Cameron was the one who was the most excited. She had gotten a lip and nose ring, and an eyebrow piercing. I ran ahead to the double doors and pulled them open. We had gotten front row seats and were sitting so close, they could spit on us. I laughed as I ran down the aisle and to my seat. Cameron followed close behind me and we jumped up and down as the doors closed.

We were the only ones in the arena! Everyone else was too busy buying merch and stuff. The band walked onto the stage and I stood there, staring up at them in all their gloriousness. I was surprised I didn't faint. They were running tests on all the equipment, and finally, someone noticed us.

"Hey, what are you guys doing in here?"

I heard Frank Iero call. Cameron answered for us, obviously not as in shock as I was.

"The doors were open. We though we could come on in."

Frank nodded his head and went back to playing his precious _Pansy._ Gerard was at the mike, testing it with the lame 'Test, 1, 2, 3.' Ray was standing by the speaker while Mikey was playing with his hair. Bob was sitting at the drums drinking red bull.

"Hey, can you guys lend us a hand?"

"Sure!" I yelled.

I knew how to do all this stuff. I did it for a living. Helping bands move their shit I mean.

"Can you get me my other guitar? I would get it, but Gee needs help with the mike."

I jumped up on stage and ran to the back where there was a rack of guitars. I picked out the only other one with Frank's name on it and walked quickly, but carefully. I handed it to him and took his precious guitar from him. I put it back on the rack.  
"Mikey my mike isn't working!"

"Here let me help."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. I'm an assistant to a band manager so I do this stuff all the time."

His eyes widened in surprise and then he shrugged. He stood back while I grabbed the wire connected to the mike and peeled it open. I tore an extra wire out and set it back down.

"Try it now." He walked forward, hesitant and sang into the mike.

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself, but honey what are you gonna do? And you can sleep in a coffin, but the past ain't through with you."

He stepped back and smiled at me.

"Hey thanks! What's your name?"

"My name is Brianna. This is my friend Cameron."

We shook hands with all of the guys and I smiled inside. I has just met MCR and helped them!

"Is this your first concert?"  
"Not my first, but I think my second My Chem. concert."

Gerard nodded his head and turned to test the mike again, just in case. Mikey took of his glasses and put his contacts in. Frank was petting his guitar lovingly and I snorted. He turned to look at me and smiled.

"This was my first guitar. My grandpa got it for me before he died. My grandpa on my mom's side." I nodded my head and went to sit next to him.

I looked around me. I was really here, on stage with my 5 favorite men in the entire world. He looked at me closely.

"What band do you help manage?"

"The Architects."

"They sound cool."  
"They really aren't bad. They are super dedicated to their music. They work all the time." He nodded his head, thoughtful.

"You should bring them to my new studio."  
"For real?"

"I'm not shitting you. They sound pretty cool."

"Thank you so much!"

I threw my arms around him and he laughed. I backed up embarrassed.

"I'm sorry."  
"It's alright. You were excited."

I beamed at him and he grinned lopsided. He was so adorable. I looked at all of the boys again. I took in the way they looked in this moment.

"Do you wanna grab a bite to eat when we're done?"

I looked up at Gerard who was standing, twiddling his thumbs nervously.

"We'd love too."

He smiled and nodded his head going to talk to Mikey. The lights dimmed and the doors opened as an onslaught of people ran down the aisle. Frank grabbed my arm and pulled me backstage with Cameron and the guys.

"You should just stay back here until the show is over. It's the best view anyway."

I nodded my head, too thrilled to speak. They went onstage and I watched as they played song after song from their new album. A chorus of shouts swept the audience:  
"Encore, Encore!" was repeated over and over again. Gerard walked over to each of the guys in turn and whispered in their ear. The lights dimmed again and spotlights centered on each of them.

They sang a few songs from _Bullets _and walked off stage, sweating like a couple of fuckers who needed a shower, and badly.

"Where do you guys want to eat?" Ray asked us.

"Can I touch your hair?" Cameron asked.

All the guys burst into laughter while Ray turned beet red. He nodded his head and Cameron stepped forward tentatively. She fingered his hair before pushing the top down and watching it bounce back up.

"I like your hair. It's cool."

"I hate my hair. I can't do anything with it."

"You should let me do it sometime. I'm a stylist." He just nodded his head and blushed.

"So, where should we go?" Gerard was looking at me.

"Where do you guys usually go?"

"Just a little place around the corner."

"Then we should go there. No reason to break habit." He smiled as if at some joke I wasn't in on. I soon found out why.

We walked around the corner and were welcomed by a giant glowing yellow arch. I turned to face Gerard.

"McDonalds?" He stared at me like he was really sorry. "That's fucking hilarious!"

I laughed and his face turned happy and as peaceful as you can get when you're Gerard fucking Way.

"Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order?"

The lady at the counter was clearly bored and wanting to get out of there. She was a teenager, and I saw a boy eagerly waiting in the corner. There was some tiny plastic package sticking out of the edge of his pocket. _Condoms. _Why do young kids always want to have sex? I walked up to the girl and pointed at the boy.

"That your boyfriend?"

"Yeah; what business is it of yours?"

"Don't do it. It'll lead to kids."

"Hey lady, just back off. My personal life is not your concern."

"Yeah, well I know. I was 15 when I had sex. A few days later I had to buy my first pregnancy test. At 17, I did it again. That time I had to tell my parents I was pregnant. I miscarried after a car accident. And I hate it when I see teenagers going down the same path, and making the same mistake. So just say no."

She looked at me and nodded her head.

"What do you want?" We all ordered our food and were waiting for it to be done.

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?" I looked up to see Gerard staring down at me. I rubbed my belly, remembering the life I had lost 6 years ago.

"Your baby. I'm sorry."

"It's OK. It was a long time ago."

"I was 16."  
"What?"

"When I had sex. I was 16. I'd been dating the girl for three years. She got pregnant and left it in a dumpster somewhere. She's in jail now."

"I'm so sorry." I put my hand on his arm and he smiled at me.

"It's OK. Not like she can come back."

Frank, Cameron and Bob all came over with the red plastic trays full of food that would eventually clog our arteries and ensure that we had a quadruple bypass when we were 32. I tore into my McChicken and fries. I popped the lid off my chocolate shake and dipped a few fries in there.

"Is that good?"

Gerard looked mildly disgusted at my love of salty and frozen things.

"Yeah it is; here try it."

I handed him a fry dipped in the chocolate shake. He put in it in his mouth and chewed.

"Hey that is pretty good. You were right."  
"I told you."

I turned my head and saw the girl crying as her boyfriend broke up with her. That's all they every wanted. Sex: The driving force behind living.

We finished eating and walked outside.

"I had a good time tonight." Gerard looked at me. I smiled up at him.

"Me too."

"Do you want to go out some time? The band is on break now, and I'm staying here for a few months." Had Gerard Way seriously just ask me out?

"Umm, yeah, sure. I would love to go out some time."

He nodded his head. He turned to go, but turned back and kissed my cheek. Then he walked off after his friends and I was left standing there with Cameron. She laughed and took my hand leading me to the car, where we blasted the music all the way back home.

Chapter 2: The First Date

I walked out of the Belleville Club feeling giddy. My manager had increased my pay by over $300. He said that if they got signed that I would get much more. I was super excited. Not only by my amazing job talent, but because my date with Gerard was tonight.

I was going to wear a knee length buffalo plaid skirt with a black tee and converse. I would wear a chunky black chain necklace and a couple of gothic rings. I got dressed and teased my hair and did my make-up. I had no idea where we were going and I hoped I looked alright for the occasion.

The doorbell rang and I ran to answer it. I had my clutch and shoes so I was good to go. I composed myself and opened the door. There he was in a black tee and jacket with gray skinny jeans and converse. He had done his 'Helena' make-up for our date. His hair was disheveled like in all the pictures I had seen of him online. He looked so perfect.

"Do you wanna come in for a few minutes?"

"Actually, our reservations are soon so we better get going."

"Oh OK."

I closed the door behind me and we walked to his car. It was a really nice Honda Civic. He walked around to the other side and opened the door for me and closed it when I got in.

"Thank you." I said as he sat down in the seat.  
"Your welcome."

We drove for a few minutes and pulled into a Pizza Hut parking lot.

"Pizza Hut?"  
"Yep. Most romantic spot in the world." We laughed together at his lame joke.

He took my hand when we got out of the car. We walked up to the door and he opened it for me to go in ahead of him. I shivered. Gerard let go of my hand and shrugged out of his jacket, draping it around my shoulders. I put it on and smiled at him.

"Thank you again."  
"You're welcome again."

I chuckled as we were led to a table where we sat across from each other. He moved his chair so he could sit next to me. We arranged the things on the table so we had room to put the food.

"What do you want?"  
"Order for me."

"OK…" He looked at the waiter. "We'll have breadsticks and then taco pizza. I'll have a Coke and she'll have a root beer."

The waiter took our menus and walked away. I stared at him open mouthed. He looked down embarrassed.

"I called your friend."

"How did you get her number?"  
"Ray asked her for it."

I nodded my head, not surprised in the slightest. She'd always had a crush on him.

"So when are you leaving?"  
"Sometime in October."

"Wow. That's in three months."  
"It depends who you ask, but it's a lot of time I think. When you live on the road, three months is a long time to stay in one place with one person."

"Yeah it is, when you think of it that way."

The waiter brought our drinks and I spit mine out. I cleaned myself with a napkin and switched pop with him. He just stared at me, shocked. Then he broke out in laughter and I laughed with him.

"What was that?"  
"I hate Coke. I really, really do." He nodded his head like he understood. "So what's it like playing shows every night?"  
"It's a lot of fun. To feel the adrenaline race through your veins, and to know that you are making hundreds of thousands of kids happy and giving them a purpose to live, to find their drive in life. It's the most amazing thing in the world. It really is."

I smiled at him. He had the biggest grin on his face and his eyes sparkled. I could tell that he truly loved what he was doing and I was proud of him. I was happy for him. I took his hand across the table and squeezed it.

"I'm happy that you're happy."

He looked at me then; looked at me like we had a deeper connection than anyone on the planet. I knew this was weird; we had only known each other for less than a week. But I felt like I knew that he was the one. I knew it deep down inside, and I hoped he did too.

His eyes glittered like characters in an anime when they get emotional. I half-smiled at the thought of him being a manga character.

The breadsticks arrived and the waiter set them down in the middle of the table. I grabbed a bread stick with my free hand and tore into it with my teeth. Gerard put one in his mouth slowly, sensually. I snorted and began to laugh.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He chewed the food in his mouth and then looked at me.

"I'm being super-sexy."

The look on his face was so serious I couldn't help but laugh. After a moment he laughed too.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!"

We had both completely burst out laughing and the whole restaurant was looking at us now. I put my hand over my mouth to shut myself up. He did the same, mimicking me. I laughed more then, mad at him for making me laugh.

"I live in this town you know!"

"So do I."

And then it hit me. He had always lived in the same town as me. I just never knew him. I knew him now though, and that was what counted. The pizza came and we each ate three slices of pizza. We split the rest into two boxes and he drove me home. He walked me into my house and put my pizza in the refrigerator.

"Thank you for taking me out."  
"Thanks for letting me take you out."  
"Why wouldn't I?"  
"I have an…interesting past."  
"So do I."

He stared at me curiously then. I smiled faintly and he smiled too. I still saw the curiosity in his eyes. Later, when I knew him better I would tell him. Tell him about Derek, and Zane and my baby. The abuse and the drugs. But not yet. Not quite yet.

"I'll call you tomorrow so we can set up another date."  
"OK."

He kissed my cheek before walking out the door and driving away.

Chapter 3: The First Kiss

I met Gerard on my porch. It was our third date. We were actually going for a walk around my neighborhood. I had worn cotton 'booty' shorts and a tank top that was low cut. Gerard was wearing athletic shorts and a Nike athletic shirt. It was tight and I could see the beginnings of muscle on his chest. I put my hair in a ponytail and re-tied my shoes.

"You ready?"

"I was born ready!"

I pumped my fist and he laughed. We walked to the end of the driveway hand-in-hand and then we turned to walk down the hill my house sat on. He intertwined his fingers in mine again and looked down at me.

I felt really short when he looked down at me. He was only 5'9". That was pretty tall I suppose, but it made me feel short. I was only 5'6". I was taller than Frank, so that made me happy. I had nicknamed him 'Shorty' officially.

I had only ever seen one camera on my property. It was taking my picture while I was taking out the garbage. I had showed him the finger and I knew that was going to come back to haunt me. I was happy that he wasn't the biggest celebrity around.

It gave us much more privacy than if I were dating Brad Pitt. I laughed and he stared at me. I waved my hand. He shrugged and we turned the corner.

"So Frank had his meeting with your band today."  
"Really? I had the day off."

"That's nice. Yeah he's talking about letting them be the first band to sign with him." I stopped and stared at him.

"Really?"  
"Yeah. He called me before I came over here."

I jumped up and down and in my excitement, jumped right into his arms. My arms circled his neck and my legs were wrapped around his torso. I was so happy! I would get a promotion and then I would be able to move somewhere else and out of my crappy house! And things were just going so well!

Gerard cleared his throat and I came back down to Earth. I looked at how I was. We stared deep into each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry."

I un-latched my arms, but he just snaked his around my back, holding me there.

"Don't be sorry. You got excited."

He half-smiled in that cute way that boys smile. He turned his head and lowered it so our faces were inches apart. His lips barely brushed mine and I shivered with exhilaration. He sighed joyfully from just this light brush.

He lowered his head to mine completely and kissed me. It was very light and cautious at first. But then I deepened our kiss all on my own. My fingers tangled in his hair and his hands grabbed the back of my tank-top and gripped part of it tightly in his hands.

And so we stood there, holding each other, kissing each other in the middle of the sidewalk. But we didn't care. We were lost in our own little world of magic, danger, and romance. He walked backwards up the hill until we fell in the front yard. We were a tangle of each others limbs as we made out in the grass.

Every time we separated our lips I grew sad and it pained me deeply. I knew that he was the one, but I had yet to fall completely and madly in love with him. I had known him a week and a half now and I knew he was the only one I could ever truly be with. I knew it was very soon to assume such things, but I knew in my heart that he was the one. I just, had to fall completely in love with him yet.

I moved from his arms and lay on my back looking at the now dark sky, dotted with white silver stars. It was so beautiful. I held his hand as we pointed out different constellations.

"You know, I love looking at the stars." He said to me in a whisper. I had to strain to hear him clearly.

"I love looking at them too. They're like little diamonds in the sky."

"Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the sky so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are."

He sang the tune and I sang with him. We roared with laughter when we were done.

"Oh, too only be a child again."

I nodded my head in agreement. They had it good. They just didn't realize it until they were in their 20's and on their own. I stood up and pulled Gerard with me. It was close to 10:00.

"I had so much fun tonight. I do have to go to work tomorrow though."

He nodded his head silently. He leaned into kiss my cheek but I moved my head quickly so he brushed my lips instead. I felt his turn up in a smile and I smiled too. I kissed his lips lightly and darted away backwards, into the night and the comfort of my own home.

I woke up and looked at my clock. I got dressed hurriedly and ran to my car, heels in hand. I called Gerard and started the car.

"Hello?"  
"I blame you!"  
"What? Who is this?"

"I'm late for work because of our date!"  
"Brianna?"  
"Yeah it's me."  
"Oh; I'm sorry."

"It's OK. I was being sarcastic. I blame myself."

"Oh OK. I'm still sorry."  
"Hey I have to go. I just pulled up."  
"Where are you?"  
"At Frank's studio."  
"Oh. I'll just get dressed and meet you there."  
"Oh OK. That would be cool."  
"See you in a bit babe."

The line went dead. Babe? I laughed as I slammed my car door shut. I walked in the door of Skeleton Crew and went straight to recording room 3. The Architects were already there and warming-up. I half-waved to Frank and slung my bag off my shoulder and tossed it on a chair. I went in the room with the guys and took an extra guitar from the rack.

"OK guys I'm going to warm up my fingers with you."

They nodded their heads. I'd done it a lot before. I heard the static as Frank pushed the button to talk to us. I put on the headphones and heard him say:

"You can play?" I figured the question was directed at me, but Keenan answered instead.

"Yeah she plays, and sings. Pretty well." I blushed deep red at his compliment.

"Oh; well start practicing."

He sat back and listened to the guys start off with that powerful metal sound, then began to shred even louder and more powerful as I played the easier melodies underneath. Keenan waved me forward and so I sang into the mike:

"_I've been out for so long, days slipped by again. And I can't sleep since I stopped caring. I'll stay out until my lungs bleed. And I can't tell daylight from streetlights anymore. As he cast his shadow. I've seen this road a thousand times and I can't look back_

_I've seen this road a thousand times and I can't, I'm not looking back_

_This is so unfamiliar; death is no man's friend_

_Yet I'll stay here until I hear him roar_

_Death is screaming my name but I refuse to listen to him_

_I can't sit here forever. Watch me rise again. Watch me rise back up. Forever would be just be so easy to fall into. But still I'll stay out until my lungs bleed_

_Forever is the easy option but I won't take it_

_The choices I've made will lead me to an early fucking grave." _

Keenan joined me at the chorus and I became absorbed in the music I had known by heart since three years ago when they had come to us. I made one last stroke and opened my eyes.

"Good job guys!"

I took the headphones off and placed the guitar where it belonged. I walked out of the studio and brushed my hair with my fingers. Frank was looking at me as I walked out.

"You are fucking amazing!"

"Thank you."

"They kind of scream, but you balance them out well."  
"Thanks."

I sat next to him and drew out a bottle of water, and messed with the switches on the panels to record and modify their voices.

"Hey Gee."

I hadn't even heard him come in, but now he was sitting right next to me.

"Hey Brianna."  
"Hey Gerard." He waved to Frank and turned to me.

"I told you I'd be here."  
"I know."  
"I heard you play."  
"How?"  
"I was in the corner."

He pointed to the dark secluded corner, where I couldn't have seen him.

"Oh; how embarrassing!" He laughed musically.

"No, you were very good."  
"Really?"  
"Yes really."

He leaned over and gave me a kiss.

"Very good."

Frank looked at us skeptically but I paid no attention. I was looking at the band now, helping them practice through the glass. I would make motions with my hands and they would nod their head and change what they were doing.

"What is that?" Frank asked me.

"Something we came up with. If ever they were playing a gig, I could tell them to change something so that I wouldn't have to yell over the music and distract the fans."

He nodded his head like that made sense.

"That's pretty cool. I'll have to talk to Brian about learning that."  
"Yeah. I would love to teach you guys."

I jerked my right hand up and the guitar became louder and whined.

"That's a cool noise." Frank said.

I pulled my sleeves down and shivered. It was cold in the studio.

"Are you cold?"  
"Yeah kind of."  
"Here take my jacket."  
"OK."

Gerard handed me his leather jacket and I pulled it on. My sleeves came up, and my wrists were exposed. He stared at them and I shrugged the jacket back off. He took my hands in his and looked at the red scars. There were others on my wrist that blended into my flesh, but these were new.

"Brianna, why?"

I pulled my hands from his and put the jacket back on. I bent my face forward so my hair hid it. I was ashamed and embarrassed.

"Last night was the anniversary."

"Anniversary?"  
"Of the day I lost my baby."

"Oh. That doesn't mean you have too…cut yourself."  
"Gerard…I hurt myself like this every year. Every year I make myself feel the pain that it would've felt. That I know it felt."

He nodded his head, trying to understand. Then he shook it.

"I will never understand why people do this to themselves." He pointed to my arms.

"Maybe because it's a little bit easier hurting yourself and wishing you were dead then going through emotional pain. Because it's easier to hurt yourself than to hurt the ones you love."

I got up and stalked out of the room. I walked down the hallway, my tears blinding me. My wrists tingled and I ran to the bathroom. I dug around in my purse until I found what I was looking for. My pocket knife. It was very expensive, and very sharp. I opened up the biggest, sharpest blade and looked at the dried and caked blood. I dropped my purse on the floor and took off Gerard's jacket and my shirt. I did not want to get any blood on them.

I sat down in the corner and shook with anger and sadness. _Why didn't he understand? Maybe because he just doesn't believe it. No one but people like you understands it. No one else. _

I brought the knife to my wrist and swiped it across in one fast motion. The pain was quick and like fire, but went away as I saw the blood running down my arm and onto the floor. I did it again and again watching the red slits form on my arm. I saw the blood drip onto the floor and form into a little pool of scarlet red.

I watched it in fascination bubble up in the slits and roll down my arm. I moved to my other wrist with shaky hands until they were both even. I stood up shaking and wrapped my arms in thick rolls of paper towels. I sat in the bathroom corner and shook as sweat started pouring down my face. Black tinged my vision and I saw that I was still losing blood. I could not apply enough pressure to my arms.

I heard footsteps walking down the hall, someone calling my name.

"Brianna?"

It sounded so familiar…but I couldn't place it now…too weak… I slid down and my eyes started to close. The voice got closer to the bathroom door and knocked gently.

"Brianna?"

I knew the voice. Of course I did. Other voices joined that one and I chuckled. I was gone ten minutes and they already had a search party out looking for me. Before my eyes closed and I slumped to the floor I yelled his name:

"Bob!"

My head hit the floor hard and I winced as my cheek scraped against the tile. The door was rattling and I remembered that I had locked it upon entering. The blood matted in my hair and my face rested upon the pool. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, feeling the blood come in through my mouth and my nose. I began to gag and then, the door blew open and I heard not a thing. 


	2. Chapter 4,5,6

Chapter 4: The Hospital Visit

"Brianna!"

I heard Bob shout my name as he finally burst through the door. There was a loud pounding sound in my ears so I didn't hear anything else. I felt him push me onto my back and start to give me CPR.

I looked over and saw Gerard standing in the doorway. Bob was yelling at him and Gerard was whipping out his cell phone, calling somebody. Why was he calling someone now? I was so confused. I squinted to see his face clearly. It looked like…like he was crying. Yep, those were definitely tears.

I felt Bob's hot mouth pressed against mine and the forced air was rushed to my lungs where it was used to help me breathe. He did it again and then started to pound on my chest. I started to cough up blood and it got all over me. I looked around me for Gerard's jacket.

I started to panic and the blood came up my throat slowly and I began to choke on it. It came to my lips in bubbles and they broke and spilled over my lips and ran down my chin. Gerard stepped over me and put his jacket on. I was relieved to see that it didn't have a spot of blood on it.

Bob stepped away and the pounding in my ears went away.

"Gerard, I can't do anything else for her. It's up to the EMT's."  
"But they won't be here for twenty minutes!"  
"I can't help her anymore! I've done all I can do!"  
"Well what good are you then?"

He bent over me and picked me up slowly. My head rolled back and he quickly moved his arm to support it.

"It'll be OK Brianna. It'll be OK."

I started to cough and more blood spilled over my lips. Where was all this blood coming from? I had already lost most of it, I thought. He walked as quickly as he could outside the bathroom and started to run down the hallway, towards the doors. The hospital was a good half-hour jog away from where we were. I gripped him tightly and nodded my head. He kissed my forehead and started to run in the direction of the hospital.

I turned my head into him. I pulled back quickly as I remembered the jacket. Such a trivial thing to focus on now. There was a little blood on it. I tried to wipe it off, but I couldn't feel my fingers. I looked down and saw my arms covered in red.

My fingers had red trails and they were dripping in little dots on the pavement behind us. He jumped over something and my head bounced back. I coughed again and more blood spilt down my chin. I bet I looked a big old mess.

I saw the big white building; the lights blinded me as he walked through the emergency room door. My head fell back off his arm again and my vision clouded. I could see nurses running to us and pulling a gurney over.

I was gently set down on it and rushed down the hallway. My wrists were turned over and cloths doused in peroxide were pressed to it and I screamed from the immense burning of it. Gerard had to stop before we got into a room and there, my vision clouded off.

I woke up in a plain white room. It was extremely droll I thought. I missed my room with its black walls and spattered red paint. My wrists were bound with bandages, and wrapped very tightly. I could see that it came at least 4 inches off my skin.

It hurt but I knew that it also helped me. I looked around me and saw Gerard sleeping in a chair right by my bed. There was a little blood on his leather jacket, and I was sad that I had ruined it.

"Gerard?"

I whispered his name and he actually heard me! Talk about acute hearing! He got up and rushed to my side, his eyes big and fearful.

"Brianna! Brianna are you OK?"  
"Yeah I'm fine now."

"They wouldn't give you any pain killers because your chart said that you had been to drug rehab?"

"My boyfriend got me into drugs my freshman year. I only did it a few times and then quit, but that was enough for my parents. It was cocaine, by the way."

"Huh. When was your freshmen year?"

"2000"

"Oh. When our band first formed."  
"Yeah. I actually went to your first show."

"Really?"  
"Yeah. That's where I met Cameron."

"That's some cool shit."  
"Yeah I know. My boyfriend, Zane, went with me. He saw how drunk you guys were and got into drinking."

"Oh, I see."  
"I went along with it you know?"  
"I do now."

I could see the tortured look in his eyes, like my drug use was related to him. It really wasn't.

"Gerard, it's not your fault."  
But it is! I got Zane into drinking I bet it's my fault he used drugs too!"  
"You didn't start using drugs until my senior year."  
"He just got there before me."  
"Gerard…it's not your fault." He just shook his head, not believing me."

"You gonna tell me the rest?"  
"Oh; sure."

"OK; I'll be quiet the whole time, I promise."

"OK; when I was fourteen I met Zane, my boyfriend. He was perfectly clean then, and totally emo. Not in the cut yourself way, but he thought about suicide a lot. A week after we had started dating, he told me that he didn't want to kill himself because I completed his life. We made plans to marry when I was eighteen. Shortly after I turned 15, he became an alcoholic. Then he started to smoke and get hooked on cocaine. He told me that it was fun so I let him teach me how to take cocaine.

"I didn't like it at first, but then I started to enjoy it. He got me into drinking, and then we started going out more, to parties and dark secluded places late at night. After a short while he started to beat me. Hit me all over and tell me I was stupid and good for nothing. But then he would cry and apologize and tell me that he didn't mean it. Of course I forgave him! I wanted to marry him. But then, then he decided that we would rent a motel room. He apparently had been stealing little bits of cash from his parents for a few weeks to get a motel room for us."

I looked up at Gerard. His face was expressionless, but his eyes, his eyes were filled with pain.

"He told me that if I loved him that I would give me over to him right then and there. Of course I loved him, and, I thought that I had too or he would leave me. So I let him come over to me, and I closed my eyes when he touched me. He took my clothes off and then threw me to the floor. I could remember being beaten and tied up, every teenage male fantasy ever imagined worked out on me then and there. I woke up and I was sore and hurting all over. I had cuts that had closed up and I had dried tears on my face. He told me, 'every night we will come here and you will let me do whatever I want.' I just nodded my head and it went on for a week. Before he did it again, I told him I was pregnant. He only did it again, just not beating me. But somehow, it felt worse because he just hurt me worse than if he had beaten me. I was 17 when he 'made love' to me."

My voice was dark and sarcastic I knew. I had been hurt.

"The day he first did it…it was my birthday."

I could tell that this story was depressing him and making him sad. Especially the part about my birthday. I quickly continued.

"Anyway, my mom was driving me to the doctor to see how far along I was when she crashed against a tree. No one was hurt badly, but I lost the baby. After that Zane just disappeared. I haven't seen him since and I hope I never do. He was just so abusive. After that I went into rehab and I got better. I graduated high school with honors and went on to help manage The Architects. That's all there is to it."

"I'm so sorry."  
"For what?"  
"The guy practically raped you Brianna."

"I know that. And I haven't had sex since…except that one time… I couldn't. It would've have been too much to bear. So I started to cut myself. Because he had hurt me that bad. I've tried to stop, but it's so hard to not do it." "I've never been in the hospital for it before. It's scary."

"I know. And I'm sorry."

He climbed into the bed and held me close to him. I cried there for a long while and he just stroked my hair. I breathed him in and squeezed him closer to me. I was so glad he was here. I reached up for him and soon enough my lips found his.

He was hesitant about kissing me at first, but he soon gave in and we were cuddling in my hospital bed, our lips never leaving each others. I opened my mouth and his tongue entered. I was shocked, but let it go.

We sat there making out until someone coughed at the door. I flipped off in the direction of the door and continued to kiss my boyfriend, when the person coughed again.

"What?"

Frank, Ray, Mikey and Cameron stood there with amused looks on their faces. Gerard removed himself from me but still sat close and held my hand. I kissed his cheek and settled back down. Cameron skipped over to me and lightly kissed my cheek. Gerard raised his eyebrow.

"The 2 years of college was a…curious time for us." I laughed out loud at how she put it. He stared down at me, his face bemused.

"What is she talking about?"  
"…when we were in College, we were curious as all teens are. So we went out for awhile, made out a few times and had sex once."

He nodded his head as if that were completely understandable. Which of course it was, since the media had dubbed him an important part of 'Frerard' for quite a while. He seemed to know what I was thinking.

"Yeah I get it, really."

Frank winked and burst out laughing. So did I, of course. Someday I would have to find out exactly what went on between them.

Cameron handed me a bag and I glanced at it.

"It's a present, a get well soon present."  
"Oh! Thanks!"

I opened it and saw a printed picture of me and Gerard at McDonalds in a black frame with MCR stickers and quotes on it. I was handing him a fry covered in chocolate shake and he was looking kind of squeamish about it.

"How did you get a picture of us?"  
"I had my camera, on no flash so thank God it turned out. You two didn't even notice you were so absorbed in each other."

Gerard turned a deep shade of red, and so did I, I was sure of it.

Frank handed Gerard a bag. He looked inside it briefly and put it aside, looking funny at Frank.

"What was in the bag?"  
"Absolutely nothing you need to worry about."

Ray and Mikey both handed me a bag and I opened them both to see a black box and a pair of keys.

"What is this?"  
"It's _Revenge_, only on record. We're releasing it in a few weeks. And the keys to a used car. We decided that maybe if you had a sweet ride then you wouldn't try to kill yourself again."  
"Thanks. And I wasn't trying to commit suicide; I just couldn't stop the blood flow or help myself so I lost too much blood." They nodded their heads as if they got it.

"What kind of car?"  
"A Honda Civic, like Gerard's."

"Actually…it is Gerard's…" Mikey said nervously.

"What?" Gerard sat forward looking angry.

"I wanted to get her a car…and the keys were in your ignition…so…I took the keys and put it in a pretty bag…"

"Where's Bob?" Gerard asked.

"Bob is at home resting his adorable little head." Mikey answered. I raised my eyebrow then.

"Adorable little head?" I asked skeptically.

"Oh! She doesn't even know!" Mikey yelled rather flamboyantly. "Bob and I are gay. And dating. For a few years now. And as soon as gay marriage is legal in New Jersey we're getting married."

"Oh! I'm so happy for you guys!" Mikey ran over and I gave him a hug. That explained the unicorn pin he always wore…

Gerard carried me out of the hospital, feeling obligated too for some reason. He put me in my new car and drove me home putting me to bed and staying with me all day to make sure that I was well rested and fed and didn't try to 'kill' myself again.

It felt nice to be taken care of for once. I hadn't had that in a relationship ever, other than with Cameron. No man had ever treated me the way that Gerard did. I liked it.

Chapter 5: His House

Gerard helped me out to the car; it had been a week since I had been in the hospital and he was still worried about me! What a sweet gentleman! He was taking me to see his house today. He lived all alone ever since Frank had gotten married and Mikey and Bob had moved in together.

He turned the key in the ignition and we drove down the street for a while, very silent.

"Thanks for telling me."  
"Telling you what?"  
"What happened? At the hospital remember?"  
"Oh yeah."  
"I'll tell you mine soon. Someday soon."

I nodded my head. My past had been horrible but I'm sure that his had been much worse. At least that's what I thought from what I had read in magazines and then what he had told me at the restaurant.

We pulled up in front of a house, medium sized and he opened the door. It was white and had black shutters and a blood red door. Definitely some color there. He led me up the porch and took out a key ring; he opened the front door and held the door open for me. When I first walked in I was surprised. It was furnished just like a normal house. Exactly like a regular house would be set up. I walked throughout the home and stared at how normal it was.

I walked to a door at the end of the upstairs hall and tried to open the door. It was locked, of course.

"Gerard? There's a locked door up here!"

He ran up the stairs and was behind me with his keys in no time. He opened the door and I stepped into a fucked up wonderland that Gerard called home. The walls were black, but he had drawn things on the wall and then painted in the lines. There was the art from the 1st and 2nd album on one wall in a row and room for more album art for their future records.

On another wall were all of the Umbrella Academy characters in their best pose. He had even painted the background as their base. The third wall in his room was covered in pencil sketches of the band. He had caught them at all times and a lot of them were pretty funny. The final wall was completely taken over by fan art, poems and short stories.

There was a bed in corner of his room, blood red of course and a black night table next to it. I looked down at it and saw some concept sketches for their third album cover. It looked fuckin' sweet.

The armoire was black but covered in paintings of his. The computer desk was the exact same. There was an easel in the other corner of his room, covered by a white cloth. I walked over to it but he ran over to it and stood in front of it.

"What?"  
"It's not finished yet."  
"OK."

He stood away and I walked over to examine all of his walls and furniture. He followed close behind me.  
"What are you doing?"  
"You have to like this house."  
"Why?"  
"Because you can't not like it."  
"OK…it's really cool."  
"What's your favorite part?"

I walked over and flopped down on his bed.

"Your room."

He came and sat down beside me and held my hand. He kissed my softly and pulled away, looking at his own room.

"What was in the bag?"  
"What bag?"  
"The bag that Frank gave you."  
"Oh…umm…"  
"Just tell me!"  
"The bag was full of condoms."

"Oh." I sat up and drew my arms around my knees.

"It was just a joke! He didn't know when he got it."

"I know."

"And it's not like I don't think about you that way you know."  
"Really?"  
"Of course; you're extremely sexy."  
"Rawr."

He kissed me again this time much more deeply. We made out for a long while and the whole time, I talked to myself in my mind. _Was I ready? Is it time? Is he the one? Should I trust him? _He backed away but I pulled him too me; I had to ask him this. It was finally time.

"Where's that bag?"

It was midnight when I woke up. Gerard's arms were wrapped around me and his face was buried in my hair. I gently moved his arms and rolled him over so I could move. I got up and started to get dressed. I had work in the morning and I was still at his house.

"Brianna?"

I turned around. He was still breathing softly and his eyes were closed. _He's talking in his sleep! _

"Brianna? Are you there?"

"Yes." I whispered.

"Good. Because I want to tell you something."  
"What Gerard?"

"I love you." I froze.

"Brianna?"

But I was already dressed and out the door by the time he was awake; he didn't remember what he had said, but I did. I did. I smiled as I started the walk home.

Chapter 6: Frerard's Last Moment

I walked into Skeleton Crew and plopped down in a chair next to Frank. He looked at me funny and said something to the guys before turning towards me with a coy smile.

"I heard you broke into my present last night."

"Yes we did. May I ask how you came across this bit of information?"

"Gerard called me late last night. He woke up and you were gone."  
"I had gone home."

"He was actually scared because you weren't there."

"Wow; I had to go home and get some sleep."

He nodded his head. He turned around and started to work with the guys again. I dug around in my bag until I found a chocolate bar. I opened the wrapper when Mikey burst through the door.

"Hey guys!"

My chocolate bar flew up and flipped before I barely caught it. He laughed musically.

"Did I scare you?"  
"Just a little; it's new to me, this side of you."  
"This is how I really am. The media side of me is fake."  
"I know that now."

"So what are you up too?"

He loosely draped his arms around my neck and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Watching the guys, eating chocolate. You?"  
"I'm going to go to a protest at the main political building with other gay rights people. We're going to protest for the right to gay marriage in New Jersey."  
"Oh Mikey! I hope that they pass it!"

"Me too. Then Bob and I can finally be married."

"I would definitely come."

"You have too! You're my maid of honor!"

"Really; me?"  
"Of course!"

"Oh Mikey!"

I stood up and threw my arms around him. He hugged me and we jumped up and down in excitement. The door opened and we stopped jumping.

"Did I miss something?" Gerard closed the door with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm a maid!" I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"You quit your job?"

"NO…I'm Mikey's maid of honor."

"Oh; that makes more sense."

He leaned down to kiss me then walked over to sit next to Frank. Gerard tapped Frank's arm and they stood up and walked out into the hallway.

I wondered why they had to go out in the hallway, but I knew it must be something important. I put Frank's headphones on and hit 'record' as the guys laid down a new track. They ceased playing and I got up and walked out to the hall. Frank and Gerard were nowhere in sight. I shrugged my shoulders and walked toward the snack machine. I was about to turn the corner when I heard voices.

"Gerard, why did you want to talk too me?"

I peered around the corner and saw Frank backed up against the wall with Gerard standing in front of him. They still…?

"I think I told Brianna something last night…but I can't remember what…"

"Maybe that you liked doing her."

Shut up Frank."

"I was only joking silly!" Frank took a step forward and traced his hand up and down Gerard's arm and looked in his eyes. It didn't really bother me that they were still 'seeing each other.'

"Frank I'm serious…she just up and left and I don't know why. It kind of hurt."  
"Maybe you love her."

"I think I do."  
"I think she's the one."

"What does this mean?"  
"That I love her…"  
"About us…"

"Oh; I don't think we can happen anymore."

"I see."

"Frank…"  
"Just one more time Gee?" Gerard looked at him and nodded his head. They lowered their heads toward each other and started to kiss.

I looked for just a second. Frank lifted his head and looked right at me. He smiled and his eyes gleamed with mischief. He unlocked the utility door and beckoned Gerard in.

I whipped my head back around the corner and walked quickly back to the recording room.

"You didn't get a snack?"

"I decided I wasn't hungry right now."

Mikey nodded his head and went back to dialing his cell phone; calling Bob no doubt. I sat patiently in the studio for forty-five minutes until Gerard came back, and Frank five minutes later.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Where were you."  
"Talking with Frank." _Why would he lie to me? _

"Let's go out tonight; all of us; Frank and his wife, Ray and Cameron and Mikey and Bob, you and me.

"Where would we go?"  
"A bar or something."

"OK."

He intertwined his fingers in mine and we stayed that way for the next three hours. I silently brooded over why he had lied to me. If he loved me, then why did he have to keep secrets?


	3. Chapter 7,8,9

Chapter 7: Frank's Surprise

I put on the short black halter dress and slipped on my heels. Tonight all of us were going out to the Belleville Club and watching a band play: _Tokio Hotel. _They were supposed to be really good; and German.

The doorbell rang and I ran to the door as fast as I could. Gerard was standing there in a dress shirt tucked into dark-wash jeans with his hair looking unkempt and wind-blown. I smiled at him and let him lead me out to his new car: a different color Honda Civic. I laughed at the fact that only the color had changed. He just smiled and led me to the passenger side.

We arrived at the club just as Mikey, Bob, Frank, Jamia, Ray and Cameron pulled up and stepped out of their cars. Talk about creepy. We all showed our IDs to the bouncer and he waved us through. I walked straight to the bar and asked for a shot. Frank walked up beside me and smiled.

"I'll have one too."  
"Is that a challenge?"

"Maybe."

Ten minutes later we had each done twenty shots, and were still sitting on our stools. Twenty minutes after that I was getting tipsy. We had done fifty shots each and man, could he hold his alcohol well. Thirty minutes later I was barely hanging on the edge of my seat. He was getting close too falling now too. We each took another shot. I could barely reach the glass; I hadn't drunken like this for a while; I was only 23, but my 21st birthday had been a fun day…

After about an hour doing shots I finally fell off my stool. Gerard helped me up and I stumbled in his arms. Man, I was so drunk! Gerard had just ordered diet coke after diet coke. I laughed strangely as he led me to a table.

"Are you alright?" I laughed and then hiccupped.

"I want…I want…"  
"What?"  
"Let me finish!" I screeched. "I want to dance."

Gerard nodded his head and led me to the dance floor. The band played a slower song called _By Your Side. _

Gerard held me to him and we danced the night away slowly. I felt bile rising in my throat; I separated myself from him; there was no way I would puke on him. I covered my mouth with my hand and ran to the bathroom, stumbling the whole way. I made it to the bathroom in time and rushed into one of the stalls. I puked in the toilet and felt so much better afterwards. I rose to my feet and shakily walked to the sink. I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror.

I was sweating and my skin was pale and clammy. I swished some water around in my mouth and spit in the sink. I rummaged around in my purse and pulled out a brand-new Colgate Wisp and brushed my teeth until they were sparkling white.

I walked out of the bathroom and proceeded down the corridor but someone pulled me into a dark hallway. I tried to make out who it was but it was much too dark.

"I know you saw us Brianna."  
"Frank?"  
"Yeah."

"Saw you where?"

"In the hallway; I saw you."

"Oh."

"Are you mad at him?"  
"No."  
"Are you mad at me?"  
"No."

"Oh; OK."

I started to walk away but his hand on my arm stopped me.

"What?"  
"I like you."  
"I like you too."

"No, I mean I like you."

"Oh."

"I don't want to like you, but it's so damn hard."

"Then just don't like me Frank."

"I try so hard not to like you, it's just impossible. I love your dark brown hair and your hazel eyes; the way you crinkle your nose when you're frustrated and the way your eyes dance when you're excited. I love how you stand: your knees and ankles turned in; you lean forward slightly like you're at a photo shoot posing for the front cover of a magazine."  
I was blushing red at this point. I didn't like him this way, but he made me feel special when he said these things.

"I like you and I can't help it."

I heard him step forward and before I knew what was happening his body was pressed to mine and his mouth was pressed softly to my own. His lips just rested on mine; I stood there until he stepped away.

"I'm so sorry."

He ran past me and I wobbled as he brushed past. My fingers hovered in front of my lips, the lingering feeling of his kiss on them.

I walked back to Gerard, smiling as best I could. I looked around for Frank but he was nowhere in sight, and neither was Jamia.

"Can you take me home?"  
"Sure."

He put his arm around my shoulders and led me to the door and buckled me in his car. My head was buzzing and I felt tipsy again. My body took alcohol funny.

"Here we are."

I stepped out of the car and stumbled. He was on the other side in a flash and held me up.

"Are you sure you're alright."

I nodded my head, and then shook it. There was no way I could walk that far. He picked me up and cradled me in his arms as he walked up to my porch. He opened the door and walked me up to my room. He set me down in my bed and started to walk away.

"Gerard wait."  
"What?" He turned around to look at me.

"Stay with me?"

He looked out of place for a second, but nodded his head. He walked over and lay down with me, and then I went black.

Chapter 8: Confronted Feelings and Startling Confessions

I woke up with a start. I didn't remember a thing from last night, except that Frank had kissed me. I had slept in…_wait, I have the day off…_I sighed in relief. I got up and fell to the floor. My damn leg had fallen asleep.

I heard a moan from the bed and sat up, quick as lightning. I saw a mess of long black hair and sighed; it was only Gerard. Wait…why was Gerard in my house, let alone my bed? And why was I…? I ran to my closet and threw on some clothes.

I cracked the eggs over the skillet and heard as they sizzled in time with the bacon. Gerard came down the stairs just as I put plates on the table. I looked up and gasped. He only had on his jeans from the other day. He looked up and noticed me staring.

"What?"  
"You are so beautiful."

He chuckled nervously and I walked over and kissed him on the mouth. I loved him so much; I just could not help it. Of course, I hadn't told him that. We sat down to eat breakfast and then he left. As soon as he was out the door my cell phone rang.

"Hello?"  
"We need to talk."  
"Frank?"

"Yeah."  
"When?"  
"Umm…can I come over?" _This is a bad idea. _

"Sure."

The other line went dead so I hung up my phone.

I ran upstairs and looked at my hair. It was flat and icky so I got in the shower and washed it quickly. I combed it and ran back to my room; I threw on a pair of black skinny jeans and a red-and-black plaid, off the shoulder top. I dried my hair and teased it and put in a simple black headband and did my makeup. _Why was I so worried about how I looked? It was just Frank._

I put my makeup away and tried to calm myself down. It was only Frank! And we were just friends. The doorbell rang and I panicked. _Oh my god he's here! _I rushed downstairs and fixed myself before opening the door. He was standing there in black skinny jeans and a white button up with a black skinny tie. He wore leather gloves on his hands like the ones Gerard had worn in Mexico on the _Black Parade is Dead! _DVD.

"Hey." I half-waved.

"Hey; can I come in?"

"Sure."

I stepped aside as he brushed past me; I shivered as I smelled his cologne. It smelled so delicious.

I shut the door and followed him into the living room.

"Frank, why did you come here?"

He looked around my living room before turning around and taking a few long strides towards me; he moved his hands to cup my face.

"Because I don't want to like you anymore. I can't help it, but I'm married."  
"Frank, just don't like me. I don't like you." His eyes flashed and started to water.

"Why does that hurt? It shouldn't hurt me but it does!" He backed away from me and stood in the middle of the room.

"Frank…" I reached out for him but he ignored me. "Frank." He turned to look at me that time.

"What do you want?"  
"Frank, we're just friends. I'm in love with Gerard and you're in love with Jamia. Your wife!"

"I know I am! I love her so much but there's just something about you…"

"Frank, don't talk like that. You love your wife." He came to me again and held my face like before.

"There's just something about you."

And he kissed me. At first his lips stayed still but then he started to actually kiss me; I didn't move not wanting to encourage him, but soon I couldn't help it. He drew me into him and I had to obey the spell he somehow had woven.

Our kisses were furious and passionate. I knew this was so wrong but I couldn't help but to keep on kissing this boy. My fingers wound through his hair and he pushed me against the wall. All I could think of was Gerard. I almost said his name aloud.

I pushed Frank away, crying angrily.

"Brianna…"  
"Get away from me!"

"But…"

"Get away! Get out of my house!" He started to walk away but I just followed him to the door.

"I'm sorry Bri…" He opened the door and stepped onto the porch.

"Just go away; I hate you Frank Iero!"

I yelled as he walked to his car. He turned around and I saw the tears on his face. I also saw in his eyes that he had made a mistake. A very big mistake. He had never really liked me, he just thought he had. I was glad that he had learned his mistake.

I slammed the door furiously and sank to the floor crying. He may not have liked me, but I knew I didn't hate him. I had just said that to make him go away. A little part of me inside, wanted him too. I couldn't help but to face the fact now: I had a crush on my boyfriend's best friend.

Chapter 9: X-Mess

I woke up on the floor of my foyer. I had slept there all day and night and had finally awoken to a pounding on my door. I stood up and answered.

"Hey!"

Gerard looked bright and cheery.

"What do you want?" I grumbled. He immediately frowned.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh yeah; I'm sorry. What did you want to tell me?"

"I got a job! I'll have to go to Los Angeles for a few weeks, but it'll be fun!"  
"Wait what?"

He stepped past me and walked to my kitchen.

"I got a job for a few weeks. A friend of mine, Voltaire, wants me to narrate a short movie. It's only a minute long but I want to do it."

"OK."  
"OK?"  
"I'm happy for you; I don't see any reason why you shouldn't go and do it."  
"Oh thank you!"

He picked me up and twirled me around. He set me down and gave me a big kiss.

"Gerard…"

"What?" I panicked.

"Just have a lot of fun OK?"  
"Oh I will!"

He kissed me on the cheek and stood there awkwardly.

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Well why don't you keep me company tonight, and that way you can leave happily."

He looked in my eyes and kissed me.

"I hope that means yes." I whispered in his ear.

He chuckled sweetly and picked me and walked me upstairs.

I woke up screaming and sweating. Gerard had left a while ago to pack his clothes. I looked at the clock and saw it was noon. His plane had already left. I stood up and wiped my face with my shirt. The man still haunted my dreams; but I knew that he was gone from my life. He had gone missing forever ago. There was no way Zane was still alive.


	4. Chapter 10,11,12

Chapter 10: Everywhere I Go

"Hey Brianna!" I heard Cameron shout excitedly.

I waved to her from across the plaza. She ran towards me faster and hugged me as soon as she got near enough to do so.

"It's been weeks!"

"I know! Look how much different you look!" I was so excited to see her.

"How are you and Ray?"

Her eyes lit up as soon as I mentioned his name.

"We're doing great! He took me out dancing last night and he bought me flowers, and oh. He is just so romantic!"

"I'm glad you two are having fun."

"Yeah; me too. How are you and Gerard?"

"Just fine. He's less romantic than Ray I suppose, but we have fun together. I love hanging out with him."

"Well I'm glad. Now let's stop talking about our boys and start having fun! I haven't seen you in forever and I'm not spending my time talking about our boyfriends!" I laughed at her. Of course we couldn't talk about them.

She led me over to a little shop that sold ladies business clothes.

"Cameron?"

"I need some new clothes for work. All of mine are starting to not fit and I haven't the faintest idea why."

"That's really strange."

"That's what I'm saying!"

She pulled a few items off the rack and went into the dressing room to try them on. I stood outside the dressing room thinking about the events that had happened to me in the past few days. I looked out the giant glass window and froze. That hair, that face. It couldn't be him. But it was…

"Do you like this one?"

I turned around and looked at Cameron. She wore a black skirt and tight white button up.

"Cameron, are you getting fat?"  
"What?"

I turned her around so she could look in the mirror. She had a little bump going on.

"Oh my god I'm fat! This is awful!"

I laughed aloud to see her like this. I shouldn't have but I did.

"Bri! I look fat!" I stared harder at her.

"Not fat, just like you're pregnant."

It seemed that something clicked in both our heads at the exact same time.

"Cameron?"

She had shut the dressing room door and I could see her feet shuffling around the tiny room. I knocked on the door of her room.

"I'll wait outside the store OK?"

"OK."

I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders and stepped out into the cool autumn breeze. I turned my head and saw him again. He turned his face towards mine and I saw the scar. I gasped and stepped back, saw him smile. I made up my mind and ran after him. He ran ahead; damn he had gotten faster!

I barely kept up with him and eventually cornered him.

"Hey Bri." He sounded as if it was a happy reunion we were having.

"Zane." I spoke with acid in my voice.

"You sound unhappy to see me. And after I spent all this time looking for you so we could re-connect."

He walked around me in circles, sometimes tracing his finger along my body.

"Don't touch me."

"Why not? You used to like it when I touched you."  
"I'm seeing someone Zane."  
"What?"

He slammed me against the brick wall of a building. His hands tightened on my shoulders and his face got very close to mine.

"I'm seeing someone."

"But you're mine! You've always been mine. I'll just have to teach him a lesson. Who is he?"

"Like I'd ever tell you!"

I spit in his face angrily. He closed his eyes and his face bore a calm expression. He backed away and wiped his face on his sleeve.

"Then I'll find out the hard way. You know that I will; I'm always watching you. Always watching you." And with that he walked away and into the shadows.

I sank to my knees and held myself. _Zane was alive. Zane was back. Zane was going to hurt Gerard. Zane was going to hurt Gerard. No; Gerard is strong. Zane could never ever hurt him because Gerard was strong and I loved him. _

"Bri? Bri?" My head snapped up as I heard Cameron call my name. I had totally and completely forgotten about what had happened with her.

I ran back to her as quickly as I could. I pushed Zane to the very back of my mind as we walked into a drug store. She picked out three different pregnancy tests and walked to the counter and checked out. I drover her back to my house and walked upstairs with her. We walked into my master bathroom and she took out the first pregnancy test.

When she was done I held one and she held two. It had been five minutes and I finally got a result on mine. She looked down at hers and then I showed her the last one. The result that made it real to the both of us. My best friend in the entire world was pregnant with Ray Toro's child.

Chapter 11: Attacked

I stood there, the two tests in my hands. I could not believe that I was pregnant. It had only happened once; the night that Gerard had taken Bri to Pizza Hut.

Ray had come over last month one night and we had drunk wine while talking. We really did have a lot in common. Once we were very drunk he had started to kiss me. I liked the way he kissed me. He was very gentle as he had wrapped his arms around me; his fingers had immediately found the zipper of my dress. His tongue was in my mouth by the time the dress was hanging from my shoulders. He had taken me up the stairs to my bedroom and laid me down gently. And then we had made love.

I had woken up the next morning to a rose and a note:

I'm sorry I couldn't be there

when you woke,

but I had an appointment with my therapist.

Movie night tonight?

Love, Ray

And now I was pregnant with his child. Ray Toro, the man who had eaten a crayon in a music video.

"Cameron?" I had forgotten that Brianna even existed.

"Cameron are you going to be OK?"

"I just found out I'm pregnant."

"I know."

"I'm pregnant."  
"I've been here the whole time."

I looked up at her.

"Can you drive me home please?" She searched my eyes for a moment and then nodded her head.

I walked up the driveway and opened the door to my tiny one bedroom house. I tried to turn the lights on, but they wouldn't work. I cursed under my breath as I shrugged my coat off. I walked into the kitchen and saw candles on the table with two plates of finely prepared food.

I looked down at my watch. It was only 5:30.

"Hello?"

"Hey." Ray walked out from around the corner holding two glasses and a bottle of wine.

"What is this?"

"Just a little surprise to show you how much I care."

"Aww thanks sweetie."

He uncorked the wine bottle and started to pour into the glasses.

"Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have water instead?"

"May I ask why?"  
"I can't drink wine."

"OK…"

He got me a glass of water and we sat down to dinner. I was riled up the whole time. Eventually he took me over to the couch and sat down with me.

"Cameron, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."  
"I know by now when you're lying to me." _Damn. _I thought.

"Ray…Ray I'm pregnant."

I looked up at him. He had gone completely still; his eyes watered as he turned to face me.

"…pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"How long have you known?"  
"A few hours." He nodded his head solemnly.

We sat there for a few minutes until he turned to me.

"Marry me."

"What?"

"Marry me. We can raise our child together, and we can be together."

I sat there for a few moments thinking it through. I did love him, maybe. I looked up at him and saw just how serious he was, about this, us. Maybe I really did love him…

"Yes. Yes I'll marry you."

He drew me into him and kissed the top of my head over and over again.

"You go to sleep, and get rest and I'll take care of everything! I promise!"

He squeezed my hand and gathered his coat before running out the door. I sat there absolutely still for a moment, before it hit me. I was getting married to Ray Toro, and having his baby.

I walked down the street, late at night. I was doing some last minute grocery shopping. I took a shortcut down a dark alley, not my smartest choice, and was pushed against a wall. A sharp blade was held to my throat and a face got close to mine.

"Hey Cammie."

I smelled alcohol on the man's breath; and then I realized who it was.

"Gerard?"

I was pushed even harder against the wall.

"Shut up!" he yelled.

What was wrong with him? Why was he acting this way? He grabbed my shirt collar and spun me around and pushed me back farther into the alleyway.

"Gerard why?"

"I told you to shut up! I hate you! Every single one of you; and Brianna is next!"

And with that I found myself slumped against a brick wall as he walked away. I swear that I saw him become shorter and his hair too. My vision blurred and became hazy as he turned the corner. I looked at my side, slashed open. I touched the wound and my fingers came away wet and sticky, covered in red.

The world 'help' bubbled to my lips along with some blood, but it broke and spilled over my lips as I started to choke. The last thing that flashed through my mind was my baby; my fingers rested on my belly as I blacked out.

Chapter 12: "It Couldn't Be Him"

I raced down the hospital hallway, pushing people out of my way. Ray had called me just an hour ago, telling me that Cameron had been found on the verge of death in an alley. She couldn't die! And what about the baby!

I ran to the waiting room in the Emergency wing of the Hospital room and found everyone there: Ray, Frank, Jamia, Mikey, Bob, and Cameron's parents and brother. I rushed over to Ray and gave him a hug. I leaned back to look at him.

"Are you alright?"

"I think so. I hope they're both alright."  
"Both?" Cameron's Mom, Alexandria walked over.

"Mrs. Bothkov, Ray would like to tell you something."

I stepped away from the two of them as Ray inhaled.

"Mrs. Bothkov, I'm Ray; I'm dating your daughter."  
"Why did you say both?"

"Because your daughter is pregnant with my child."

I took one look at her and knew she would faint. And sure enough, she fell straight into her husband, Charles's arms.

"Oh my god! Will she be OK?"

Jamia rushed to her side. Frank looked at her, and then up at me. He threw his head in the direction of the vending machines. I started to shake my head, and then nodded. I walked there and he followed me.

I put a few quarters in the machine and got a few snacks.

"What do you want Frank?"

"I've been thinking about…about that day."  
"And?"

"I like you." Time to face the truth.

"I like you too."

His head snapped up when I spoke. He threw his head in the direction of the hallway. I walked over there, where no one could see us.

"Really?"

"That doesn't mean I'm going to do anything about it."  
"But, I like you!"

"Yeah; like."

"But, I could love you."  
"But you don't Frank; you love your wife. Look at her." He did, and his eyes melted. I saw them fill with love and adoration as he absorbed her.

"See?" He looked back at me.

"Yeah; I get your point. And you love Gerard anyway. Have you told him yet?"  
"Of course not!" He chuckled at me.

"You should, before we leave. You only have another month, Bri."

"It's been two months already?" He nodded his head, and looked at me.

"You only have a month."

We walked back out with the others just as a nurse came out.

"Brianna Mayfield?" I ran up to the nurse. She stepped back, frightened.

"Yes? What is it?" I said exasperated.

"Miss. Bothkov has requested to see you."

I looked back at Ray, but he just smiled to know she was OK.

"Cameron?"

She looked towards the door and I saw all the tubes she was hooked up too. She had a giant bandage on her left side. I rushed to the side of the bed and kneeled.

"Cameron, are you OK?"

"It was Gee…"  
"What?"  
"Gerard, he attacked me."

"It couldn't be him. He's in L.A." She shook her head.

"It was him! I'll kill him Bri!"

"Cameron?"

"I lost the baby Bri. And it's his fault."

I lay down in the bed next to her and held her to me, stroked her hair and tried to comfort her as best I could.

"Can you go now? Tell Ray to come in?" I nodded my head and walked back out to where they were waiting.

"She wants to see you Ray." I spoke in a monotone.

I was absorbed in my thoughts. He walked quickly past me and ran to her room. Life seemed to pass by in slow motion for me now. It couldn't have been him! I refused to believe it! Absolutely refused!

I heard the screams of anguish as she told Ray what had happened to their child. I heard him scream to the heavens. But it was all muffled, muted.

I ran out the hospital door and to my car. I got in and drove away, down a not-so-busy road. I wasn't paying attention until it was too late. A truck slammed me head on, and I was only in a tiny Honda Civic.


	5. Chapter 13,14,15

Chapter 13: Surprises Kept Secret

I saw white everywhere. White was all I could see; blurring white everywhere. I blinked my eyes a few times, and still it was white. A flood of noise invaded my quiet. I saw people around me in blue scrubs, yelling at each other. I was being rushed down a hallway on a gurney.

"She's losing a lot of blood!"  
"We need to examine her!"

I thought that I saw Gerard waving and holding out his hand to me, but I slipped back into the dark before I could know for sure.

_Beep, beep, beep. _My eyes fluttered open slowly. A nurse stood at the foot of my bed, flipping papers on a chart she held.

"Good afternoon sweetie."

I drunkenly nodded my head.

"Do you remember what happened?" I shook my head no.

"You got hit head-on by a truck. You had a concussion, and lost a lot of blood. But don't worry; you and your baby are just fine." I nodded my head until the words sunk in.

"Baby?"  
"You didn't know you were pregnant?"

"No. My voice was shaky and hoarse."

"Oh; well you're almost two months along. Your baby is just fine, not hurt at all." I nodded my head; I needed time to process this.

"When can I leave?  
"Tomorrow afternoon. No visitors except the person who is taking you home."

"Can I call him?"

"Phones right by the bed."

I nodded my head as she walked out the door.

I held the phone to my ear, chuckling at his ringback tone. Of course it would be _Sexy Back. _

"Helloo…"

"Hey Mikey. Can you pick me up tomorrow afternoon?"  
"Sure; where from?"  
"The hospital."

I heard the phone drop and the front door slam. I sighed and set the phone back in the cradle. I flicked the TV channels until he pounded on the door and came rushing in a half-hour later.

"Oh my god Bri!"

He bounded over and kneeled by the bed, clutching my hand.

"What happened to you?"

"I was leaving the hospital and I got hit head on by a truck. I got a concussion and lost a lot of blood. But we're fine."

"We?"  
"I just found out I'm pregnant."

His eyes lit up as he leaped into the bed and hugged me.

"Oh my god!" He squealed.

"Mikey! You can't tell anyone; especially not Gerard."

"Why?" He whined.

"Because…you just can't OK? Promise me."

He pouted his lips but nodded his head.

"OK I promise."

We crossed pinkies and he sighed. I rested my head on his shoulder and let him stroke my hair.

"How are you going to explain your bump?"  
"I don't get bumps."

"Oh; you would know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Just that you've been pregnant before."

"I knew that." He laughed at me sweetly.

"Sure you did sweetie."

"Oh, Mikey! What am I going to do?"

"I don't know baby."

I cried into his shoulder for hours. It was dark out when he tapped my shoulder.

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

"Can you stay with me?"

He searched my eyes then nodded his head.

He stood up and turned out the lights; then he walked back and crawled into my hospital bed. I cuddled up next to him and buried my face in his chest. He stroked my hair again as I fell asleep to his lullaby.

_I saw Gerard at a bar. Getting wasted like he said he never would again. He stumbled along the backstreets until he saw Cameron. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a switchblade. He hit the button and stalked forward towards her. The moon flashed on his face and I saw a scar that went through his left eye; a scar just like Zane's._

_ He cornered her in an alley and I saw the events that had transpired. He had slashed her side open, and slit the side of her neck. And if that had been Gerard, then why? Why attack my best friend? If it was Gerard…I would find out. I would go to his house._

I sat up screaming. Mikey shot forwards and turned to look at me. He took me in his arms again and rocked me back and forth.

"Shh, shh baby it's alright."

I laughed at how he consoled me: like I was a little girl.

"Gerard…"  
"Gerard will be back the day after tomorrow."

"Mikey it was Gerard."  
"What was Gerard?"

"Cameron told me Gerard was the one who attacked her."

"That's preposterous."

"That's what I thought. Mikey, I'm scared to be having his baby."

"Don't be darling; it'll be alright."

I nodded my head wanting to believe him.

"Now go back to bed."

I laid back and quickly fell asleep again, holding onto my brother.

"Bye!"

I waved to Mikey from my driveway. He blew me a kiss before driving back home. Now I had to get to Gerard's house. Chapter 14: 'I Never Told You What I Do For A Living'

I laced up my sneakers and got ready to walk over to my boyfriend's house. The boyfriend who may or may not have been a killer. I walked there quickly; I wanted the truth.

I tried the door. _Damn; it's locked. _I searched everywhere for an extra key. I finally found one and rushed into the house. It was just as I remembered. I walked up the stairs and to his bedroom. I tried the door and it thankfully opened.

The smell of beer and blood hit me immediately. His room looked as clean, but there was a pile in the far corner. I walked over in that direction but stopped short. I saw a bunch of empty beer bottles and some semi-bloody clothes. I backed-up disgusted. I saw a glint and moved forward once more. There, in the middle of the pile, was a bloody switchblade.

I screamed and backed up into a wall. I turned and saw the easel in the corner. I lifted the sheet and saw a collage of each and every on of us: bloody, mutilated, and definitely dead. I covered my open mouth with my hand and backed away. I found the door and ran down the stairs and outside screaming inside.

When I got back to my house I saw Mikey sitting out front. I waved to him. He saw me and smiled.

"Where were you?"

"Just out walking. What are you doing here?"

"I jus wanted to know if you wanted to come to the airport with me to pick up Gerard."

"He's not supposed to be home until tomorrow."  
"He caught an earlier flight."

"You didn't tell him?"

"Of course not." I nodded my head.

"Just let me go change."

"Okey dokey."

I laughed as I walked up the stairs to my room and got cleaned and dressed. I was so excited to see him, but scared at the exact same time. I threw on skinny jeans and pink converse. I was looking for a shirt to wear when I found one of his lying on the floor. I threw it on and did my hair in a messy bun.

I got in the passenger seat and turned on the radio. Mikey had in a mix-CD and 'Obsessed' began to play. I rolled my eyes but he just turned the volume up.

"Why are you wearing Gerard's mummy tee?"

"It was on my floor."

"Oh; OK."

He started to sing along to the song, so I joined him. We listened to his CD all the way to the airport.

When we finally got there I became a nervous wreck.

"Bri its fine." I nodded my head.

"Nothing about my hospital visit, or the baby."

"Agreed."

We looked all over and finally saw him coming out of Gate C. I rushed over to him and embraced him. He held me close and wouldn't let go.

"I missed you so much." He whispered in my ear. It thrilled me to hear his voice.

"I missed you too."

He kissed my forehead, my eyelids, the very tip of my nose and then finally, my lips. My arms snaked their way around his neck and his arms encircled my waist. I had missed his kisses; the feeling of his body so close to mine. No matter what he had done, you could not fight attraction.

"You can't have sex in the middle of the airport guys!"

Gerard flipped him off but smiled.

"Mikey."

He hugged his brother and laughed.

"I missed you too."  
"I know you did." Mikey said bluntly.

"What?" Gerard was taken by surprise.

"I'm impossible not to miss."

He picked up Gerard's suitcase and started to walk away, just like a fashion model. Gerard took my hand and we ran to catch up with him.

"Did you hear?"

Mikey and Gerard were talking in the front seat.

"Hear what?"

"Ray got Cameron pregnant but lost the baby; some creep attacked her in an alley."

Hey! My boyfriend was that creep!

"Oh my god; is she OK!"

"She's getting out of the hospital tomorrow."

"That is so sad."

"Yeah; Ray had asked her to marry him. I wonder if that will change."  
"I hope not; I don't know how long they would last if it did."

Mikey nodded at his brother's words. A picture flashed through my mind: A sixteen-year old boy smiling. He was lightly tanned and had dirty blonde hair. His teeth were perfect, and so had he been. Until his plane had gone down.

I cried silently in the backseat. I had been fourteen when he had died. It was not fair that he had been the only one to die. I had loved him so much. But God had taken him from me.; my only sibling, my brother Derek. If only he were here now, he would know what too do. But he was gone.

Maybe God had punished him for our sin. And now he was punishing me. My dream guy, a murderer. I dried my eyes and lay down to go to sleep. I had nightmares, everything we had done, when I learned of his death, and shortly after our almost baby. The very first time I had ever had sex or been almost pregnant. Before I had ever met Zane.

Chapter 15: Past Pain and Present Reactions

I was being shaken awake.

"Brianna!"

My eyes opened and I saw Gerard standing over me, eyes filled with worry and fear.

"Brianna are you alright?"

"Why did you wake me up?"

"You were screaming in your sleep about someone named Derek."

"Who's Derek?" Mikey butted in.

"My brother."

"I didn't know you had a brother." Gerard sounded hurt.

"He died eight years ago."

"Oh; I'm so sorry."

He climbed in the back of the car and held me.

"I don't know why I thought of him just now…"

"You two must have been close."  
"Real close."

"Why did you say it funny?"

"No reason…"

"Honey, you can not fool me; there's something else going on."

Mikey just had to put his two-cents in. It was just another sex story; mine seemed to always be that way.

"My brother had been an amazing soccer player. I went to every single one of his games, mostly because my parent's didn't. I would sit in the front row, always ready to cheer him on. He had never told the guys he had a little sister. They thought I was his girlfriend. He would always flirt with me before games, after games, during breaks. I knew he was just being protective of me; he was just like any other big brother.

"One day one of the guys was hitting on me; a guy I didn't particularly like. When Derek asked him why, he just said 'Because she's not your girlfriend. You don't kiss or touch, this is so not real.' I really didn't like this boy and Derek knew that, but he surprised me when he leaped the short fence and took me into his arms. Kissed me like no brother should ever kiss a sister. I felt love in that kiss. Love and passion. My very first kiss."  
I looked up at Gerard to see how he was handling my little tale. His eyes were wide with surprise. Mikey was just sitting there, staring at me cooly. I took a breath and continued.

"After that, he always kissed me at games. He kissed me whenever he could. And I let him. He liked me, and I think I liked him. He was the only boy I had ever been truly close too. He was the only guy who really knew me. I was only thirteen, he was sixteen. A few days after I turned fourteen our parents left to go on a trip. Derek was going to be my babysitter. It felt strange to be around him now; I had no idea who I was anymore. A sister, a girlfriend? Just a girl?"  
Gerard's mouth dropped and his eyes got even wider than before.

"The second night he was watching me, we were watching a movie. A romantic drama. I began to cry and he took me in his arms and I cried into his shoulder. Before I really knew it, we were both naked and in his bed.

"I woke up in his room all alone. I walked out to the kitchen, and he had been there, making breakfast. 'Hey love.' He had called out to me. This was all so surreal, I just couldn't believe it. He threw me one of his tees to put on. It was so weird; I realized that I had just had sex with my brother! But a little part of me liked how taboo the whole thing had been.

Gerard had reached out to me but drawn his arm back. Mikey patted his arm and ruffled his hair.

"We had sex four times during that week. A few weeks after that, his soccer team got on a plane to play in a national game. My parent's were flying me out a day later. His plane crashed an hour after it took off. He was the only one who died; everyone else was only injured. A few days later I got to buy my first ever pregnancy test. It had come out negative. I was so thankful that I cried and cried. I said that I would never, ever, ever have sex again as long as I lived. That was obviously a lie.

"A few months later I met Zane. Insert previous story here."

Gerard was looking out the backseat window. I looked over at Mikey but he was trying to comfort Gerard. I climbed up to the front seat and out the driver side door. I walked down the street until I heard the van rev.

"Brianna!"

Mikey had rolled down the window to yell at me.

"Go away!"

I could see his eyes; the hurt that they showed.

"Brianna get in the van!"  
"No!"  
"Why?"  
"Because Gerard can't accept me!"

"I can too! Just get in the damn van!"

Mikey slowed it down and I climbed in the back. I sat down angrily.

"I'll always accept you."

"I don't see why." I grumbled.

"Because I love you."

Mikey slammed on the brakes and Gerard hit the back of the front seat.

"That's why you wear a seatbelt."

He laughed as he rubbed his head.

"I do love you."

"I love you too."

Gerard took me into his arms. I looked at him and saw that he was crying. I put his head on my shoulder and stroked his hair. He was getting his tee wet.

He moved his head up until his lips found mine; we sat in the backseat kissing for a longtime. Finally Mikey cleared his throat.

"Should I drop you both off at his house?"

Gerard nodded his head and sat back, holding my hand. I liked the feel of his flesh; it was comforting, having your hand held.

"_I'm bringing sexy back!"_ Mikey looked at the caller ID and answered his phone.

"Hey sweetie!" He paused, the person on the other end saying something.

"I have to drop Gerard and Brianna off and then I'll be home." I got it then, he was talking to Bob.

"Bobbie, I'm going to put you on speaker so you can say hi to the lovebirds."

Mikey clicked a button then put the phone down.

"Hey guys." A thick, gruff voice spoke.

"Hey Bob." Gerard said.

"Oh hey Jiggy. How are things?"  
"They'll be fine when you stop calling me that." I heard Bob laugh.

"Do you know that I've never actually met your girlfriend?"

"Wait, seriously?"  
"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk to her?"  
"Yeah; otherwise I wouldn't bring it up."

Mikey laughed and handed me the phone, off speaker.

"Hey…"  
"Brianna." I supplied.

"Thanks. So, you treating him all right?"  
"Yeah."  
"You guys done the deed yet?"

"What?"

"Jiggy never likes to wait very long."  
"Oh, well yeah."  
"Eew…no offense."

"None taken."

"So what's it like being with a bi?"

"I'm one too."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah; best friend in college."

"I like you already." His tone was lighter now.

"Good I'm glad." I laughed airily. He was not really at all how I had expected him to be.

"Hey I have to go; Dixie is trying to get into my turkey. Hey no! That's for Mikey!" "I have to go. Tell Mikey I love him."

"OK."

The line went dead I handed Mikey his phone and he put it back in his pocket.

"Bob said he loves you."

"Aww!" Mikey squealed like a schoolgirl.

He pulled into Gerard's driveway and turned the car off. He popped open the trunk and got out his suitcase and walked it to the door.

"This is where I leave you my friends." He took a little bow making me laugh.

"Goodbye Mikey." Gerard rolled his eyes and walked inside.

"Bye Mikey."

I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He winked at me and waved as he skipped back to his car.

I smiled as I walked into Gerard's house.

"Would you like dinner?"

"Sure; what do you have?"

I rounded the corner and saw him digging through the freezer.

"Extra cheesy pizza and tater tots."

"Sounds delicious."

He set them on the counter and pre-heated the oven. I sliced the plastic off the pizza and cut my finger.

"Damn."  
"What?"  
"I cut my finger."

"Let me see."

He walked over and gingerly examined my finger. He put it in his mouth and sucked the blood from my cut. He laughed and put a band-aid on it.

"Taboo huh?"

"Sexy." He laughed, just as the oven beeped.

"It's hot!" He yelled.

I giggled as I put the pizza on the rack and the tots on a jelly pan. Gerard closed the oven door and sighed.

"Mission accomplished."  
"What mission?"

"The mission of putting food in the oven." I laughed at how silly he could be.

"I'll be right back."  
"Where are you going?"

"Outside to smoke."

That's right, he smoked. I had almost forgotten because I had never seen him do it.

"OK."

"Do you want to pick out a movie while I'm out there?"

"Where are they?"

"In the cabinet by the TV."

I walked into the living room and started to search his DVD's. He sure did have a lot of horror movies. I picked out my favorite and put it on his coffee table.

I ran over to the beeping oven and turned it off. I set the pizza and tater's on the stovetop to cool.

"Is dinner done?"  
"It has to cool."

"Cool."

He came over and tried to kiss me.

"You want kisses then brush your teeth."

He sighed but jogged up the stairs anyway.

"Seriously?" he asked.

We had just sat down in the living room with our dinner. He held up the movie I had picked out: _Bride of Chucky_.

"I like it."

"OK. I figured you would've picked out _The Notebook _or _Meet Joe Black."_

"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't like psychotic things."

"OK."

He put in the movie and we cuddled on the couch eating our dinner.

"These tater tots are delicious" he stated with enthusiasm.

"They're pretty good."

He hit 'play' on the menu and we commenced to watching almost two hours of dolls committing cold-blooded murder.

But Gerard and I just kept laughing.

"You laugh at horror movies too?" he asked between giggles.

"Ever since I've been watching horror movies."

He nodded his head and we continued to watch until it was over.

"Are you spending the night?"

"I suppose."

"Is that a 'yes' "he said in a dull voice or a 'yes!'" he said in a high pitched voice while bouncing up and down on the couch.

"It's more of a 'yes'" I said in a sexy voice while leaning over and seductively touching his lips.

"I like that 'yes'".

He picked me up and carried me up to his room. I expected the stench of before; but it smelled clean, fresh and the sheet was also covering the canvas once more.

He laid me down gently in the bed and crawled in next to me.

"I really do love you Brianna."  
"I love you too Gerard. I mean it."

He moved a strand of hair from my face.

"I know you do." He kissed my forehead; then my lips, very sweetly.

I threw his jacket to the ground and he took off my shirt. I had his over his head and he had his belt unbuckled. I felt the adrenaline rush, the heat; soon we were just a tangle of limbs, together.

I was falling asleep in his arms, loving the feel of him so close. I breathed him in and played with a strand of his hair. My eyes looked to the window for just a second, and I swore that I saw Zane, staring at me and smiling evilly. His face haunted my dreams the rest of the night.


	6. Chapter 16,17,18

Chapter 16: Shoe Shopping with Gerard Way

"_When I was a young boy, my father, took me into the city; to see a marching band" _"What next?"

I looked up and saw Gerard on his computer. I heard other instruments' and voices' coming from his laptop. I put on one of Gerard's tees and a pair of his boxers; then I walked over behind him.

I saw four different web-cam boxes pulled up: one for each of the guys. All of them waved to me; Gerard turned around and smiled. He pulled me onto his lap and held me to him.

"Why do Mikey and Bob have separate boxes?"  
"Opposite side of the rooms."

Mikey picked up his camera and pointed it to the right, showing Bob waving from the other side of the room.

Mikey re-adjusted his camera and the guys started talking again.

"Why are you never at work anymore?"  
"Architects are on tour so I'm on break." He nodded his head and continued to play 'Pansy.'

"What time is it?" I asked.

"About 10:30A.M." Mikey supplied.

"Do you want breakfast?" I asked Gerard.

"I don't think I have anything for breakfast…"  
"Then you're coming to my house; come on."

"Oh guys! Don't forget dinner at our house tonight!" Mikey was excited to have us all over for the first time.

"OK Mikey." I blew him a kiss before he signed off along with the other guys.

"This is good; what is it called again?" Gerard asked me for the third time.

"Franken berry cereal."

"Franken berry…" I feared he would become addicted.

"Is Mikey's dinner casual?"  
"They never are. Dresses and nice shirts and pants."

I nodded my head.

"So no dress from Hot Topic?"  
"No dress from Hot Topic."

"Damn…well I might have a black dress."

"I'm just wearing my Helena outfit minus the jacket."  
"With black shoes I hope."  
"No…" I groaned.

Watching that video over the years had been torment for me. Every time I saw it, I wanted to change his shoes.

I ran upstairs and put on some jeans and converse. I grabbed my purse and Gerard's car keys and pushed him out the door.

"Where are we going?"  
"The mall!" I sighed.

"What's wrong with my shoes?"  
"You don't mix brown and black."  
"Why?"  
"Because it doesn't look good!"  
"Oh; I never thought of that before."

"Nobody told you?"

"Nope."  
"Not even Mikey?"  
"Especially not Mikey. He was still very confused. But one night he and Bob got drunk together, spent the night in Bob's hotel room. Made a lot of noise I'll tell you that. And they've been together ever since."  
"Aww that's sweet."  
"Sure I guess."

"So, what about you and Frank?"  
"What about us?"  
"Are you done?"  
"We've been done for a month-and-a-half."  
"So after you met me."  
"What?"

"That day at the studio, you said you were just talking to him. But it was the last time you guys got together."  
"How did you know?"

"I saw you two kissing."  
"Oh; I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"It didn't. It kind of turned me on."  
"Oh really?"  
"Yep."

"Maybe I should call Frank and have him meet us at the mall…"

I playfully smacked his arm as we entered the mall parking lot. He laughed and slowed down, looking for a place to park.

"Where do you want to park?"  
"Near JCPenny's." He nodded his head and turned the car around.

"Sorry, I should've told you before."  
"I should've asked before."

"I agree." He flashed his white teeth and smiled.  
Gerard parked the car near the entrance, thank god. He took my hand as we walked in the door. A few kids took out their cell phones and were taking pictures. One kid asked me to take a picture of him with Gerard, which I had happily done. We walked on too our destination: the shoe department.

"Sorry about this."  
"It's OK."  
"Are you sure?"

"I better get used to five teens in a JCPenny's if I am going to date you."

He stuck his tongue out at me and I stuck mine out as well. He laughed as we walked to the men's shoes.

"What exactly am I looking for?"

"You are looking for nothing. You are going to go sit your pretty little butt of yours in that chair."  
"I have a pretty butt?"  
"Maybe…  
"Yes!"

He fist pumped the air.

"Dork; what's your shoe size?"  
"Nine and a half."

"Awesome."  
"OK…"

I searched through the men's dress shoes until I found a pair of plain black nine and a half's. I handed the box to Gerard and watched as he gingerly removed the shoes from their box.

"What are you doing?"

"Being careful with the merchandise I don't own."

"That's smart."

"Of course it is; that's why I thought of it."

"Yeah right."

"Are you questioning my intelligence?"  
"Of course not sweetie!"  
"I don't believe you."  
"You shouldn't."

He laced the shoes up and started to walk around the shoe department with them on. He looked so excited to be trying on new shoes.

"These fit so great!"  
"I have mad skills."

I threw my hands in the air and did one of those hair flips.

"Oh thank you!"

He hobbled over to me and threw his arms around my neck.

"For what?"

"For picking out the perfect pair of shoes for me to wear!" I laughed at his excitement. He was so silly!

He boxed the shoes up again and we walked over to the counter so he could pay for them.

"When is Mikey's dinner?"  
"At 6:00 why?"  
"Because it's 4:00 and we still both have to get ready."

"We can't be late for his dinner!"  
"Gerard I think we're going to be."

He slammed on the gas and sped the whole way home.

Chapter 17: Bikey's Dinner

"You almost killed me!" I yelled while putting in earrings.

"Stop being a drama queen!" Gerard called from my closet.

He would have happily been late had he known I was carrying his child. He walked into the bathroom and pulled out a giant case of makeup.

Gerard had picked up his things and now we were at my house getting ready. He was now fighting me for counter space.

"It's my bathroom!"

"My eyeshadow palette needs room too!" he whined.

I sighed and moved my makeup over even more.

"Thank you."

"You are impossible to live with."

"I didn't know we were living together."

"You know what I mean."

"I know I do."

He shrugged his shoulders and continued to apply his makeup. I rolled my eyes and packed my makeup away.

Gerard pulled into Bob and Mikey's driveway at about 6:02. When he rang the doorbell Mikey answered with an angry pout on his face.

"You guys are late!"

"Really Mikey?" Gerard whined.

"He needed a new pair of shoes." I offered.

"I've been meaning to speak with you about that; thank you Brianna."

I laughed as he stood aside to welcome us in. It looked like your average house, except everything was in earthy tones; every room had some sort of artwork and it all looked very expensive.

"Wow you guys, this is nice."  
"Thank you." Bob walked in, holding a glass of wine.

"Here Bri let me get your coat."

Mikey took my coat from me and hung it on a rack with five others. Bob whistled and I blushed. I was wearing a black off the shoulder dress and high heels. My hair was in a bun and I was wearing glitter.

"You are working it girl!" He snapped his finger and laughed.

"It's just a dress Bob."

"But you make it look delicious." I laughed and blushed a deeper red.

"Thank you."  
"No problem. Now give me a hug!" He walked forward, arms outstretched so that I had no other choice but to hug him.

"Get off my girlfriend Bob." Gerard said jokingly.  
"No attraction really!" he said as he backed away from me, laughing.

Mikey laughed and pulled Bob into him.

"There better not be."  
"You're the only one I see."

He moved Mikey's bangs from his eyes; then they kissed. That was the first time I had never seen them kiss. It looked sweet but passionate and fiery. I ducked past them and walked in the kitchen. I snuck behind Cameron and snaked my arms around her neck, hugging her from behind.

"Hey!" She turned around to hug me.

Gerard walked over to Frank and hit his shoulder playfully. They began talking: Frank, Jamia and Gerard. Cameron followed my gaze and saw him.

"Why is he here?"

"Mikey is his brother…"  
"Why are you here with him?"  
"Because he's my boyfriend and I love him."

"I can't believe you! After everything that just happened to me."  
"Cameron he didn't attack you! I know him!"  
"And I know what I saw."

"Cameron…"

"I thought we were friends."  
"We are…"  
"No; just don't talk too me."

She walked away from me and stood by Ray. I could not believe that she had said those things. I knew Gerard! I was having his baby for god's sake! I looked around me. Everyone was talking to each other but me. I walked around everyone and outside.

I breathed in the cool night air and shivered. I felt fabric touch my shoulders; it was a jacket. I looked over and saw Frank standing next to me. He took out a lighter and lit the cigarette he had hanging from his slightly parted lips. He lit it and took a long drag before blowing out the smoke.

"Crowded in there?" he flicked the ash onto the porch.

"Yeah I guess." He nodded his head, taking another long drag on his cigarette.

"I agree; eight people can become a crowd." I laughed at his lame joke.

"Hey; it's a legitimate statement."  
"I never said it wasn't."  
"Whatever." He grumbled.

We stood outside for a little while. I finally decided that this was too much cold for the baby. I handed him back his jacket and walked inside. Frank followed me, putting his jacket on while he walked.

"Hey where were you guys?" Gerard asked me.

"Getting some fresh air; come here I'm freezing."

Gerard walked forward obediently; I put his arms around me while I shivered in his warm embrace. He put his jacket on me and then took me in his arms again. I hadn't thought I was this cold.

"Where is everybody?"

"Out back lighting fireworks; we can watch through the glass door." I hated keeping him inside, but he was warm.

Frank walked out the door and started to like fireworks. I giggled at how silly everyone acted. I looked again and saw how like a family we were. Mikey and Bob were the parents and everyone else was a crazy off-center child. One perfectly psychotic fucked-up family. And all the girls had come in and were making themselves a part of the picture. And now my, our, baby was going to be a part of these people's lives.

I sighed happily and leaned against Gerard. I looked at him and saw the want in his eyes.

"Gerard, you can go out there too you know." He looked down at me.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course; go have fun." He kissed my cheek and ran outside to join his friends.

I sat down on the couch and flipped channels until I came upon Ninja Warrior on G4. I sat on the couch and watched as man after man tried to pass the obstacle course at Mount Sasuke.

"Mini-me getting hungry?" I looked up and saw Mikey closing the back door.

"Mini-me?"

"The baby. Are you guys hungry yet?"

"Oh yeah; we could eat."

He chuckled and bade for me to follow him to the kitchen. I did so obediently and watched as he got out eight large china plates, and eight forks and spoons.

"Enough for everybody." He was talking more to himself than to me. He dished out turkey and gravy, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole and corn onto my plate.

"Do you want water?"

"I would love some."

He got me a glass of water and sat everything down at the table for me.

"Thank you Mikey." I kissed his cheek and sat down to feed my little sea-horse. He bowed and skipped back outside with the others.

I heard the door open and everybody come inside.

"Everything is laid out, please get your food and proceed to the dining room!"

Everybody formed an orderly line and got their food in a timely manner.

Gerard sat down next to me and smiled.

"Are you eating for two or something?"

"I'm just hungry."

"Relax, I was just joking."

"I know."

He brought his fork to his mouth when we heard glasses clinking. We all looked up to see Bob and Mikey standing on chairs.

"Thank you all for coming. I hope you all had a wonderful time. Dessert will be served shortly after dinner. Also, a few announcements! Congratulations to Frank and Jamia on seven years of marriage, in three months!"

Everybody clapped as was expected. I chuckled inside at how formal this all was.

"And congratulations to Ray and Gerard, for finally not being each other's dates to another one of our dinners." Everybody clapped and 'wooed' for the boys.

"How many times have you been Ray's date?"  
"Six times."

"Wow Gerard."

"I know. But now I have you."

"That you do." He leaned over and kissed me very pleasurably.

Mikey and Bob sat down and everyone started to eat.

"Who made this turkey?"

Bob sheepishly raised his hand and I chuckled.

"It's very good Bob."  
"Thank you." The rest of the dinner passed in quiet. I was surprised that it had, knowing this group.

"Bye you guys!" Mikey yelled, waving from the porch.

I waved back as Gerard opened the passenger door for me. Bob had his arm around Mikey's waist and was holding him close to his body. _That is so sweet. _I thought.

I got in the car and waited for it to start.

"Did you have fun tonight?"

"I did. It was a lot of fun hanging out with everyone; officially meeting Bob."

"I'm glad you had fun." "Do you want to go to your house or mine?"

"I have to go to my house and take a shower, but you're welcome to spend the night."

"No, that's alright. I have something I have to do." The image of the bloody switchblade went through my mind.

"OK. If you have something you need to do then."

"I would love to come over, but it's important that I finish this."  
He kissed me and opened the door for me to get out.

"Love you."

I made a heart in the air and pointed to him before walking in my house.

Chapter 18: First Sight

"Mikey?"

My vision was hazy as I started to wake up.

"Hey!"

"How did you get in here?"

"I had a copy of your house key made the first time you went to the hospital."

"Oh." I was sitting up in bed now.

"So come on! Get up and get ready!"

"To go where exactly?"

"Your first check-up silly."

"That's today?"

"And that is why I'm here."

He pulled me out of bed and led me to the closet. I had a feeling he was going to pick out my outfit for me. Sure enough, twenty minutes later I was wearing black converse, purple skinny jeans and a _Tokio Hotel_ symbol hoodie. I had apparently bought one at the club.

"There; now we can go."

"We?"

"Someone has to go with you. You won't tell Gerard and nobody else knows so it has to be me."

"Do you have to come?"

"Someone has to hold your hand, smile with you when you see it, all that stuff."

"Mikey!" I whined.

"Then tell Gerard and have him go with you." I grabbed his hand and smiled.

"Maybe you can come with me." He laughed as he pulled out the door.

"Bye Scooby!"

"Who's Scooby?"

"My dog."

"How come I've never seen him?"

"He hides whenever you guys come over."

"He better get over that real soon."

"I know; you guys are over so often that I rarely see him anymore."

"Is he still there?"

"Of course he is!"

Mikey laughed as he helped me into the car. I buckled my seat belt as he circled the car and got in the driver's side. He buckled up and then turned the car on. I turned on the radio and then turned the music up. It was one of my favorite songs: _Misery Business _by _Paramore. _We sang along the whole way to the Obstetrician.

"Mikey I'm scared."

"Why?"

"Because; I've never actually made it to one of these before."  
"Your baby died before your first visit?"

"Yeah; so I have no idea what to expect."

"It'll be OK sweetheart." I laughed. He was the only guy who could say stuff like that and not make me feel hit-on. With him it was because he really cared.  
"Mikey?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You'll be there the whole time right?"

"Of course I will; I'll never leave your side."

"Good. I'll hold you to that."

"I know you will."

We sat in the lobby patiently, waiting to see who my doctor would be.

"Brianna Mayfield?"

Mikey shot up from his chair as soon as the nurse walked out into the lobby. The pregnant women in the room laughed at his excitement. We walked over to the door that led to the patients rooms. Before we walked inside, Mikey turned around and blew a kiss. That definitely startled some people.

"Mikey!"

I slapped his arm. The nurse led us to a room and sat me down on a cot.

"I need to ask you some questions OK?" I nodded my head. She pulled out a pen and form and began.

"Name and Occupation?"

"Brianna Mayfield and I am the assistant to a band manager." She scribbled furiously.

"The father's name and occupation?"

"Gerard Way and he's a…rock star."

She looked up at me skeptically but wrote it down anyway.

"Well Brianna, Gerard the doctor will be in soon and then you can take a look at your baby."

"Actually, I'm Mikey."

"Who?"

"The uncle; the father doesn't know and we'd prefer to keep it that way."  
"OK; bad breakup?"

"No we're still together."

"Oh." This surprised her.

"Is it someone else's?" she whispered.

"No." I whispered back. She sat back in her chair.

She asked me a bunch more routine questions and then left. Mikey hopped up on the cot while I went into the bathroom and changed into a lame paper blanket/skirt. I came back out and Mikey tied the 'skirt' for me.

I walked across the room like a fashion model and laughed when Mikey laughed. I laughed and sat on the chair and set my feet on the ends, covered by what seemed to be oven mitts.

Mikey pulled another chair over and sat by my head.

"You can sit by the computer if you want."

"But then who will hold your hand and cry with you?"  
"Mikey you are so sweet!" He squeezed my hand and smiled.

The doctor walked in holding the form the nurse had just filled out.

"So you're the uncle."  
"Yes I am."  
"The father doesn't know; you're still together and it's his…occupation…rock star?"  
"We're in a band."

"Really?"  
"Don't worry; we're on a major label."

"What band?"  
"My Chemical Romance."

"I'm sorry; I've never heard of you."

"That's alright; we go more for the fucked up kids."

She nodded her head; you could tell she was surprised at his language.

"So this is your first visit?"  
"Yes." Mikey reassuringly squeezed my hand.

"At what age were you pregnant before?"  
"Seventeen."

She looked up at me but hurriedly looked back down at her paper.

"Alright…could you please pull your shirt up a little bit?"

I did and Mikey stayed where he was. You could tell she was fazed.

"Your brother won't be jealous or bothered?"  
"I think the question is if my boyfriend will be jealous or bothered."  
"Will she…?" She had caught her mistake too late.

"I don't think Bob will mind."

He waved his hand and sat staring at her, smiling cooly.

"Let's get this started shall we?"

She squeezed some cold blue gel on my belly and put gloves on her hands. She got out the wand and started to move it around on my belly.

"Right now we're looking for the heartbeat of the baby…ah there he is."

"It's a boy?" Mikey yelled.

"We won't be able to tell until about six months."

"Oh." He sat back down in his chair.

She moved the wand around until she had the whole baby in the picture. She froze the screen there and saved the picture and printed it.

"That, Brianna, is your baby."

I was starting to cry. There was really a baby inside of me: Gerard's baby. She wiped my belly off, handed Mikey the picture, and left the room so I could get re-dressed.

We were on the way back home. Mikey had been crying in the doctor's office. When I had asked him why he said simply,

"It's a baby!" I'm going to be an uncle!"

Then he had kept blabbing about hiring me as his and Bob's surrogate. And now he was driving me home.

"Why are we pulling in here?"  
"Because it's lunchtime and I'm hungry."  
"OK…"

I got out of the car and walked in through the front door of Casa's with Mikey. The host greeted us with a smile and sat us in the 'No Smoking' section at a table. He set down our menu's and walked away to greet the next customers.

"I didn't know Casa's had smoking and non-smoking." I said

"Neither did I until the cute boy asked me." Mikey giggled back.

"Hi! I'm Clara and I'm going to be your waitress this afternoon."

"Hi Clara! I'm Mikey, this is my sister Brianna…" Her eyebrows rose and her eyes danced.

"And…oh Bob over here!" Bob waved and walked over to us.

"And that's my boyfriend Bob."

The waitress immediately slouched; Mikey didn't notice. He had gotten up and greeted Bob with a kiss.

"What would you like to drink?"

"Coke, coke and…" Mikey looked at me.

"Water." She scribbled our order and walked away.

"No offense Bob, but Mikey what is he dong here?"

"I called him and asked him to meet us here for lunch."

"Oh."

Mikey pulled out the picture of my baby and showed it to Bob.

"I told you so!"

"Aww!"

Mikey!"

"What?" he asked innocently. He was not innocent.

"You told Bob?"

"Of course I did. But I told him not to tell anyone, especially not Gerard."  
"Thank you." I breathed.

"He is so cute!"

"I wonder what it'll be." Mikey wondered aloud.

"What are you going to name it?"  
"I don't know…how about Gerard?" Mikey stuck out his tongue.

"I have nothing against my brother or his name, but no."

"I like Rain." Bob supplied.

"That's cute Bobbie." Mikey cooed.

"I know." He shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

"Here are your drinks."

I walked inside after a long day. I wanted to put the picture up on my fridge but then Gerard would see it. I rubbed my belly apologetically. I looked around me; there was nothing I had to do, nowhere I absolutely had to be.

"Scooby?" I had been ignoring him lately.

"Scooby?" I called his name again.

I searched the whole house furtively and finally collapsed on the couch. Tears streaked my face as I realized why I hadn't seen my dog for the past couple of days. My dog was missing.


	7. Chapter 19,20,21

Chapter 19: 'Scooby Dooby Doo Where Are You?'

"Bri, are you sure he's gone?"  
"Of course I'm sure! He was here a few days ago and now he's gone!"

Tears caked my face, I had been crying so hard. My dog was gone and I didn't know where he was.  
"Bri calm down. I'll go hang these posters all around town with the guys alright? Just chill out here."  
"OK."

Gerard kissed me on the cheek and walked out the door and drove away. I plopped down on the couch and cried even more. I turned on the TV and of course, Scooby Doo was on. I curled up and bawled my eyes out watching the adventures of the cartoon dog.

A wave of nausea hit me out of nowhere. I got up and ran to the bathroom, barely making it. I retched for what seemed like hours but what was really five minutes.

I rinsed my mouth out and sat against the wall, sweating. My first dose of morning sickness and it was awful. I decided to go take a shower, hoping I would feel better if I did.

My clothes fell from my body to the floor as I entered the hot stream of water, cascading wonderfully from the showerhead. I shivered as the hot water hit me. I washed my hair and body, feeling much better as I stepped out.

I wrapped myself up and went to my room to pick out some sweats. I didn't feel like doing anything with myself today. Just curling up and watching TV, gorging myself and probably throwing it up again.

My phone started to play. I listened for a second before realizing that it was ringing.  
"Hello?"  
"Bri?"  
"Frank?"  
"Yeah; are you dressed?"  
"Not yet…"

"Well hurry up and drive down to the label."  
"Why?"

He hung up and I was left standing there puzzling his mysterious call. But I did as I was told and threw on some clothes. I walked down the stairs carefully and got in my car, ready to go see whatever it was that had Frank so worked up.

I drove down the road and listened to a mix CD Cameron had made me back in high school.

Chapter 20: Scooby?

I parked in the lot behind Skeleton Crew and walked around to the front of the building. I saw all five boys staring up at the ledge of the roof. I went over to stand beside them and turned to look at what they were looking at.

A horrible scream tore from my lips as I collapsed into someone's arms.

I woke up inside the building, in the lobby.

"What happened?"

"You fainted." Ray spoke up.

"Was it a dream?"

I looked around me, all their faces sad.

"I'm sorry Bri." Frank looked sincerely sad.

"No, no, no!"

I broke down in a fit of crying until arms wrapped around me and rocked me back and forth.

"Someone's coming and getting him down right now."

"My poor dog!"

"Here…this was nailed to him."

One of the workers handed me a bloody piece of paper. Not only had my dog been skinned in stripes, brutally murdered, and hung by the neck outside the label, but someone had nailed a note to him? I tore open the envelope and looked at the neat piece of paper folded inside:

Dear Brianna,

I told you that I would find out the hard way; 1st your dog, then your house, what will it have to be next? I am willing to go all the way if you are to save your sweet precious little world; I am not scared to make it crumble down.

Love,

Zane

My dog, then my house…

"I have to get home!"

It was too late. I was greeted by a blackened apartment as the water stopped spraying and the firemen walked away. They had gotten there a few minutes after the blaze had started but they couldn't do much; the blaze had been started in every room of the house, starting at the top.

The firefighters had saved as much of my stuff as they could: a few boxes of clothes, some books, a couple CD's and my baby book. A few photograph books, the picture frame from McDonald's and the picture of my baby.

I quickly picked it up and hid it in my coat before Gerard walked over. I'd search through the boxes later.

"What am I going to do?" I whispered as he held me.

"You're coming to stay with me."  
"Gerard..."  
"No, your dog your house, what next? You are staying at my house and that is it! No buts or questions it's final! I won't have it be you next."

I could see how passionate he was about this so I nodded my head.

"OK."

He threw his arm around my shoulder and walked me over to his car.

"I'll get the guys to help me with the boxes. It seems that the firefighters knew they couldn't stop it so they concerned themselves with getting your things out."  
"At least some stuff was saved."

Mikey sat on the hood of the car, directing the boys. I knocked on the glass and he laughed. He showed me his nails. Perfect, of course. He had obviously just gotten them done. Not polished, but manicured with clear polish. They looked gorgeous.

Frank put the last box in the backseat and smiled at me.

"It'll be OK Bri."  
"Yeah."  
"I'm sure he'll make a spare key for you." He held up four fingers and mouthed 'four weeks.' My eyes lit up in surprise and dread. I was having so much fun with everyone though! I only had four weeks left?

I walked up the steps and opened the door to my new living quarters.

"I'll go to Sears and get you a key tomorrow."

"OK."

"Tomorrow you'll have the house to yourself. The guys and I are going to the studio, trying to come up with something for the rest of that damned song."  
"OK."

"This has to be overwhelming."  
"Yeah it is."

He picked me up and carried me up the stairs; he set me down on the bed and took my shoes and jacket off.

"I'm really sorry about everything that happened Bri."  
"That's alright, it wasn't your fault."

He turned the light off and left. As I lay there, falling asleep, I thought to myself.

"Only it really is your fault." I whispered before greeting the darkness I so craved.

Chapter 21: Legal

I got up and walked downstairs to see if Gerard was gone; he was. There was a bowl of oatmeal in the microwave and toast in the toaster. There was a rose in a vase and an unlit candle with a smiley face etched in the side. I could only assume it was meant for me.

I sat down to eat my food when there was a pounding on the door. I got up and answered it, Mikey already flying past me.

"Aren't you supposed to be with the other guys?"

"They can wait. Bob is already at our other friend's houses."  
"Why?"  
"Because we're getting married the day before we leave for tour. An actual wedding!"  
"It's legal?"  
"It passed this morning!"

"Mikey! I'm so happy for you!" He hugged me and jumped up and down a little.

"Here's your invitation, and I must be going."

And like that, he was gone and out the door.

"Well then."

I opened my invitation up. The date of the wedding was October 13th. And it was a Saturday. I was the Maid of Honor, so I had to get a dress and flowers. I put it on the fridge and returned to eating my breakfast. I then got ready to spend the rest of the day by myself. Totally boring.

I paced the room. I knew where she was staying, I knew who he was. A few short days, and I would take her. Then we would leave the country and be married officially. It was a good thing her snooping hadn't discovered my ruse. It was awful that her friend had lived, but that didn't matter now. I looked at my costume; I would have to burn it. It was too dangerous to keep it now.

I watched the blaze as it consumed my fake identity. I had enjoyed playing Gerard Way, but my performance was coming to a close. I was going to take on a new role. The role of husband.


	8. Chapter 22,23,24

Chapter 22: A Few Days Later

"Cameron…I don't want to go shopping!"

"Please! It's the first time I will have actually been out, out since the hospital. And we need to talk."  
"Cam…I'm sick…very sick…"  
"Really? I'll come over and help you!"  
"Cam no…"  
"Brianna? Hello? Brianna are you there?"

"_I'm sorry; this phone has been disconnected…"_

"Disconnected? She probably just took out her batteries."

I was mad at her now. What right did she have to hang up on me? I scrolled through my contacts list and called someone at random.

"Hello?"  
"Mikey?"  
"Yes…"

"Do you want to hang out?"  
"Who is this?"  
"Cameron."  
"Oh; sweetie I'd love to but I'm busy planning…"

"_I'm sorry; this phone has been disconnected…"_

I threw my phone on the couch cushion in frustration. I didn't bother calling anyone else. I just curled up on my sofa and went to sleep. Who said naps were for four-year old girls?

Chapter 23: Missing Friends

I walked up to the door of my house and walked in.

"Brianna?" I called out.

No answer. I walked to the kitchen and hesitantly turned the lights on. I didn't like surprises; except at Christmas, my birthday or if I was in on it.

Her cell-phone was lying on the ground, but that was the only thing even slightly askew.

"Brianna?"

Where in the hell was she? I hate surprises…

"No jumping out from around the corner…"

She didn't. I looked at her phone and the last person she had talked to was Cameron. Her jacket and purse were missing, so I assumed she had gone shopping.

I took out my phone and called Mikey.

"Hello?" A breathless, strained Bob answered.

"Bob?"  
"Oh Gerard!"

"What's going on man?"

"It's Mikey! He's gone! Completely gone!"  
"What do you mean gone?"  
"His stuff is all here but the house was a wreck when I got here! Totally trashed and dinner was on the floor and Dixie was in the backyard chained to a tree…oh Gee…"  
"Bob…"

I dropped the phone and the world moved slowly. My brother was missing…I couldn't believe it…that couldn't be true…not him…

My vision turned black as I leaned on the counter for support. Not my brother! I fell to my knees and hit the floor repeatedly with my fists. Brianna's phone fell to the floor and I looked at it. There was a scratch on it.

The closer I looked there were nail marks in the wood floor and a few marks in the flour on the counter…my brain made a quick connection and my fingers sped across the keys of my phone.  
"Frank?"

As soon as it stopped ringing I spoke.  
"Gerard?"

"Mikey and Brianna are gone."

Chapter 24: Where to Look

The doorbell rang over and over again. I knew I should have gotten up to answer it, but I no longer cared. I sat there until the person at the door picked the lock. I turned my head slowly…and saw Frank.

"Frank…"  
"What do you mean they're missing?"

"Frank, why are you here?" I was completely baffled.

"You called me!"

"Did I?"

I looked down at the phone in my hand. I guess I had called him.

"Come on Gerard get up!"

He pulled my arm and led me upstairs to my room. He fell to the floor and started searching her boxes. I sat down beside him and grabbed a box.

The first thing I picked out was a picture of her and Zane. They were at a dance. I tossed it aside and picked up her pocket knife.

"Dude…"

I looked over to see what Frank was holding. It was the letter that had been nailed to Scooby.

His eyes scanned the page, and then he handed it to me. I read it twice. Zane…I snapped out of my daze and stood up to pace.

I had to think of somewhere that meant something to the both of them. That was what true crime shows always said to do. OK so maybe CSI didn't exactly qualify as a true crime show, but it was good enough in my opinion.

Somewhere important to them…the house! The basement where we had played our first show. That was where they had met! So maybe , just maybe, he had taken her back there.

"Frank come on! I think I know where to look."

"Then hurry up we have to find them!"

"Why are you so eager to get to them? Not that it's a bad thing.

"Hmm?"

Frank turned to look at me. We had been driving for twenty minutes; there was so much traffic.

"Because they're my friends."

I could tell he was holding something back.

"Frank what is it?"

"I had a slight crush on Briana."  
"OK."  
"And I kind of kissed her twice."

"You what?"

I glared at him, seething mad. He pulled the car over to talk.

"Gerard…"  
"She's my girlfriend! When? When did you do it?"

"Gerard please settle down."

I crossed my arms and sat back, glaring angrily at him. My best friend…I couldn't believe it.

"The first time was at the bar. I was jealous of you. She was pretty and young. I thought I liked her, wanted her.

"I was waiting for her outside the bathroom. We talked a little and then I kissed her. I ran away from her after that. Avoided her all night and morning. The next day I called her on my cell, asked her if we could talk.

"She answered the door looking so good. Five minutes later I had her pushed against a wall and we were kissing."  
"We?"  
"She kissed me back Gee."

I shook my head.

"At the hospital I told her I liked her. She admitted to liking me too. But she made it clear to me that I was too in love with my wife and she loved you. She only wanted to be friends. She kind of saved me then."

He turned his head to look at me.

"Do you still like her?"

"She's only a friend I swear."

"You better get the car started."

A nod of his head and the car was going again down the road.

We quickly came upon the house and ran to see it. There was a faint light coming from the window. It must have been coming from the basement. Frank ran forward and kicked the door open. We ran inside and looked for the stairs. When we had the door opened, we heard a gunshot.


	9. Chapter 25,26,27

Chapter 25: Zane's Story

While Gerard and Frank searched boxes…

My vision blurred as I started to wake up. I looked around me but I wasn't entirely sure where I was. I saw another form lying next to me. It was unrecognizable. My vision was so hazy I couldn't make out who it was. Then the thing spoke.

"Brianna…" The voice was thin and wispy, pained.

"Mikey?"

My own came out merely a croak. Lights came on and I could finally see. I looked over at Mikey and was astounded at what I saw. There was blood matted in his hair and his arm was bent in a way that no arm should ever bend. He was covered in blood and his ankle looked twisted.

"Mikey…" His head lolled over to look at me.

"Brianna…"

"Mikey!"

I tried to roll over to him but he shook his head.

"The baby…"

"But Mikey!"

"Don't hurt the baby! Protect the baby!"

It was hard for me to hear him whisper, his voice was so faint.

Footsteps sounded on the floor; I looked up to see Zane walking in from the back.

"Oh Brianna. Why do you make me bring in others?"  
"Why did you bring him here?"

"Because, I needed something to beat. Something to take out my anger for you on. But never you; never you."  
"Thanks for caring."  
"Now…I think some things need explaining."  
"Questions?"  
"Yes. Do you have questions?"  
"Was it really Gerard? Did he really attack Cameron?"  
"You're still friends with that whiny bitch? Oh well. No it wasn't him. It was me dressed up of course."

Zane pulled a gun out of his back pocket.

"I would never hope for something to occur on its own. It would be too coincidental. Now, enough of this. I have explained things haven't I? It was not your precious Gerard, now let us go."  
"Go?"  
"Yes. We must leave and be off to the Bahamas. Get married and have many children. Leave the vermin here to die."  
"You did this all to get me?"

"Yes of course."  
"Fine; but let me say goodbye first."  
"Yes, yes alright." I ran over to Mikey.

"What are you doing?"  
"I'm not going anywhere. I promise it's just a ruse. I wouldn't leave you."  
"Be careful!"  
"I know what I'm doing."  
"I know but still. You have to be careful.

"Mikey…if we live…I still don't want Gerard to know."

He shook his head but whispered yes to me.

I walked over to Zane and stood by him.

"Can we get going now?"

"Wait one moment my dear."

He brushed the hair from my ear and smiled.

"First, you must get rid of him."  
"What?"  
"You know, kill your friend. We cannot let him live now."

I nodded my head. I held the gun up, shaking. He held my hands and pushed his body up very close to mine.

"Don't be afraid. After this I will rock your world."

I shivered, and not because there was a sudden draft. Why was there a draft? I relaxed and looked up at the door.

"Zane…" I definitely heard a door slam.

"Damn-it!"

He rushed over to the stairwell and stood looking up. There was another door slam and it was much, much closer. I took the only chance I thought I would get and I aimed, and fired the gun.

Chapter 26: Going Home Safe

I stared for a few seconds. Then I dropped the gun and ran over to Mikey untying him and helping him up. I put his arm around my shoulder and we walked forward quickly. There was a rush as figures ran down the stairs. I set Mikey down and dove for the gun, landing on my knee and hurting it. I winced as I came up and held it at the stairs. Frank came rushing down and saw me and then Mikey.

"Mikey!"

I sighed and put the gun down again. I looked up again and Gerard was rushing towards me.

"Mikey…" Frank was picking up his friend.

"Brianna!"  
"Gerard…Mikey…"  
"Frank's got him. Are you alright?"  
"My knee, I hurt my knee…"  
"Are you alright?"  
"It hurts to walk on it."

He picked me up and cradled me close to his chest.

"Is he going to be alright?"

My voice was shaking with nervousness: I cared about Mikey. He was like my best friend now. But he was also my brother. He was family to me and nothing was allowed to happen to him. Not like this. Frank picked him up and held him to his body so he didn't move.

"There are a lot of broken bones."  
"Oh god."  
"But if we can get him to the hospital soon he should be OK. Gerard and I will get the guys and we'll clean this up while you are in the hospital. Make up a cover story. All that good old fun stuff."

We were carried up the stairs and set in the car. I sat in the passenger seat, Gerard drove and Frank held Mikey in the back. I could tell that Gerard wanted to be back there with him, but it would have hurt him to be moved so significantly. I prayed for him silently to be alright.

We pulled up to the Emergency door and one man came to ask us what was wrong. He got one look at Mikey and called the other guys over. A wheelchair was brought for me and a gurney for Mikey. Gerard started to follow me but I shook my head. He kissed my cheek and ran after his brother who was no longer conscious.

Chapter 27: The Damage

I sat down in a chair next to Mikey's hospital bed. He had been in the hospital for a few weeks. The story was that he had been in a major car crash. Frank and Ray had had fun making up that scene. I had tried to get to him and tripped, crushing my knee.

He had woken up from his mini-coma a few days ago and was asleep now. There were flowers throughout the room; most of them were from Bob. A lot of them were from Gerard. He came everyday and stayed most of the day to watch over his sibling. It was sweet, but it caused him a lot of hurt.

Gerard stepped in the room right before the doctor did.

"Are you family."  
"We're his siblings." Gerard answered.

He put his arm around my waist and squeezed me tight. I could tell that he was nervous.

"The damage was extensive but thankfully repairable. He has a few broken ribs, a broken arm and leg, he recovered from a coma, there was some internal bleeding, he had burns on his torso and a concussion; he also has two severed nerves in two different fingers."  
"What does that mean?"  
"It means that those two fingers are completely devoid of feeling."  
"Oh."

"But he should be just fine in a few months. He can leave in a couple of days, but he'll be in a specially made wheelchair."

With that the doctor left the room.

"Gerard…"

Gerard fell to his knees, his hands loosely holding my shirt.

"Gerard…"

"Mikey…My brother…"  
"Gerard he's going to be OK. You heard the doctor; he'll be out in a few days."

I sank to my knees and held his hands in my own.

"In a wheelchair."

"But he'll be OK. He didn't die."  
"Why…why hurt him so much?"  
"I don't know Gerard. I wish I did. But he's dead now."

"I wish I had killed him."  
"Gerard…that wouldn't make you feel any better."  
"Did it make you feel better?"

"No; just like I had taken a life."

He nodded his head, trying to understand.

"He's going to live Gerard. He's going to be OK."

There was a knock at the door. We turned to see who was at the door. It was Bob. He half waved to us and stepped over to the bed and sat down. There was a limit of two visitors at a time so I kissed Gerard and stepped out of the room.  
Everyone was in the lobby waiting. It was the same everyday. No one had anywhere to be; nowhere to go. It was all about our family now. My family. I had lied to Gerard. It had felt so damn good pulling that trigger. So good to feel that I had killed the son of a bitch that had tormented me for a lot of my life.

It felt wonderful, looking at his body and knowing that I had done that. But I wouldn't tell that to Gerard. I wouldn't tell that to anybody.

But the bigger question: what was going to happen to us now? What about me and Gerard? I had told him nothing of Frank, his brother had just almost died and me? I couldn't be with him if I didn't tell him that I was pregnant. And I still didn't want too. It was my secret; my baby. Were we…over?


	10. Chapter 28,29,30

Chapter 28: Months Gone By

It had been months; months since the hospital visit. So much had occurred; Gerard and I had been fighting lately. The thing with Frank had shaken him. That, and I still wasn't ready to tell him about our baby. I needed time. I had things to figure out and I wasn't ready to include him; I hadn't yet, so why start now?

I had moved out of his house and was renting a new apartment. I didn't think either of us could handle it much longer. Soon, he would be on tour and single again. I didn't know why we were waiting, but we both knew as soon as he left, there wasn't going to be an 'us' anymore.

The news buzz about the accident and wedding hadn't been that big. On the news anyway. In magazines and in the online fan site forums well, they were alight with the buzz. God, did these people ever sleep? Of course the guys were used to it, this was their life. They could handle it.

I stood by Jamia and Gerard. Jamia and I were wearing cotton candy pink dresses. Mikey thankfully picked a loose dress so you couldn't tell I was pregnant.

The music began and the chapel doors opened. Mikey came in wearing a white tuxedo with a black flower pinned to his jacket. He carried red and white roses, a little bouquet and actually had a little tiara that held a veil. He stepped down the aisle and I smiled.

He was finally getting his moment. I took the bouquet from him and watched as he stepped up next to Bob and faced him. They looked so good together…I started to cry but stopped myself. I could not ruin my carefully applied eye makeup.

The wedding passed by in a blur of happiness, tears, and lovely vows; by the time we knew it, they were kissing having just become husband and husband.

I could not believe it myself and I was standing right here. They walked down the aisle and the rest of the wedding party followed. We had to go and set up the limo and then get in our own car and help set up the reception. And then…mostly likely the last time I would be a part of a happy relationship with Gerard Way.

Chapter 29: The Last Kiss

I twirled around the room with Gerard slowly. A song we both loved was playing: _Fireflies_ by OwlCity. It was a sweet song. And it was long enough for us to talk.

"Brianna we need to talk, now." I nodded my head and rested it on his shoulder.

"Once this song is over, please."

"Of course."

I realized then that he needed this as much as I did. This one last happy moment before it all came crashing down around us. Before he left and we were both all alone. Well, I wouldn't be alone. I would always have this wonderful gift that was growing inside of me. I still couldn't believe that he didn't know; that I hadn't told him. But I still didn't want to. I didn't want him to be a part of my life after he left.

I had caused him so much hurt and so much pain, when all he had done was care for me and been kind to me. I couldn't give him a child; couldn't let him keep coming back here only to be hurt over and over again by me. I had to let him go.

We twirled one last time and I lifted my head from his shoulder. He gripped my hand lovingly as he led me outside. We sat down on a bench and he wrapped me up in his coat.

"Brianna…the band is leaving in a few days and…I've had fun…but I think that this has all been a bit much for me. I..."  
"Gerard I can't see you anymore."

If you made the wound quickly then it would heal faster. I had to just rip the bandage and endure the few seconds of stinging pain until it eventually got all better.

"Brianna…"  
"I'm sorry but I don't want to draw it out. I know it and you know it. We have no future after you leave. So go and have fun on your own with the band, do what you do best and party."  
"You know, I really thought that you would be the girl to change all that. That you would be the one to cure me. I guess that I was wrong."

"I guess you were."

"Can't we just have one last night of fun, before we never speak to each other again?"

"I think that is very doable."

He took my hand and walked back inside with me. We danced together to every song that night. Always slowly, always holding on to each other not wanting to let go but knowing that eventually we had to.

The last song was about to end; Gerard whispered in my ear, choking back tears:  
"I love you Brianna."

"I love you Gerard."

I couldn't help but to say it, even if I knew how much pain it would cause me later. A tear escaped and cascaded down my cheek and soon they were flowing freely. I looked up and saw that he was crying too.

"Just one last kiss?" He whispered, pleading.

God this would be so hard to fix, so hard to heal this time. But I nodded my head.

We moved towards each other this one last time; I tasted his lips one last time; cigarette smoke, Starbucks coffee, and chocolate icing from the wedding cake. Our lips moved together perfectly, trying to grasp what was left of this. Feverish, smoldering kisses trying to consume what was left of each other so that we would always remember.

His hand held my neck, his other hand my hand. I squeezed it tightly, not wanting to forget how his hands felt on my skin. He kissed my forehead, kissed my lips softly one last time and dropped my hands walking away from me.

I didn't want him to go. Oh how violently this realization hit me. I didn't want him to leave me. I wanted to scream to him that I was carrying his child, beg and plead for him to stay with me. But I wouldn't do it. I wasn't going to. I bit my lip until it bled and stood stock-still, me tears ruining my makeup.

I would never forget him. My very own demolition lover, my fucked up fairy tale prince; goodbye Gerard Way.

Chapter 30: One Year Later

I was back; well back in town. Technically I had never really left. I was on break again and I was excited to get back home, tidy up, maybe finish up some paintings. I remember when I had left a year ago. I had left her there in the reception hall and gone home; I had cried my eyes out the entire night not wanting it to be true. But it was. I had thrown out the painting I had done for her. For the both of us; I was going to ask her to marry me. But she had decided that it was best for us to not be together. I wondered if I would see her again.

I walked into my house and immediately went over to the fridge to grab something to eat. I opened the door and saw that the food was all spoiled. I pinched my nose and threw all the food out. It seemed that I needed to make a trip to the grocery store.

"Come on Abigail cooperate. Mommy is very busy today."

My daughter, Abigail did not want to get into her fluffy pink jacket and go to the grocery store. She was only ten months old but she was learning very quickly. She was already learning how to walk and could pick herself up on things and stand. She could even let go and stand for a few seconds. I had just bought her a baby doll stroller for the future, but she used it to practice walking. She was adorable.

"Abigail…"  
"Mom mom!"

I couldn't help but to smile. She looked so much like her father. She had his black hair and hazel eyes, but she had my nose. I tapped it with my finger and laughed as she giggled. I loved making her laugh because she had teeth now. Granted it was only three but they made her all the more adorable. I kissed her cheek and strapped her into her car seat. I put the key in the ignition.

"We're off to the store!"

"Mom!"

I laughed and backed out of the driveway and off to the grocery store.


	11. Chapter 31,32,33

Chapter 31: An Unexpected Meeting

I walked into the store and grabbed a cart, heading straight for the milk. I grabbed three gallons and headed over to the cereal aisle. I was out and I needed some more. I usually grabbed whatever was on sale.

I hadn't realized how expensive a baby could be. I was a single mom who worked two jobs now and it was a hard life. I had quit managing the Architects shortly after My Chem. left for their tour. I couldn't be in the spotlight like that anymore, couldn't handle that lifestyle.

So now I worked at Toys R Us and Spencer's Gifts at the mall. I couldn't work many hours, didn't' get paid much but I got incredible discounts and coupons and deals that customers didn't get. So that's where I would buy toys and clothes.

I grabbed a few boxes of Pops and drove the cart over to the baby aisle. Abigail was off of formula now but she was on number three foods in baby food. So I stopped to get her some and some baby food cookies. She was almost out of snacks.

We rolled on over to the fruits to get some for Abigail. She really liked apples and tomatoes. I stocked up and almost ran to the makeup aisle. All the good makeup was on sale and I didn't want it to all be gone. When I got there, there was a man bent over looking at eyeliner colors. I admired him for a while when I realized that I knew him. That I recognized his backside from somewhere…

A wound opened up inside of me. It hit me so bad I had to hold the cart for support. I knew him…I knew him…oh no. No not him. This could not be happening at all not now and not to me. He was talking on the phone.

"No dude, no interruptions. I just want to be left alone for the few months of vacation that I have."

The person on the other line said something and the man laughed. I closed my eyes. Oh that laugh took me back. I loved it more than anything I could remember, except for Abigail. I grabbed some eyeliner and cover up and was about to run off when the man saw my hand and looked up to smile apologetically for being in the way.

His phone dropped from his hand. I clutched the makeup; my breathing became shallow and rushed. Abigail started yelling 'momma' and he turned to look at her. I think he was amazed that she looked like him. Then it hit him.

"Brianna…it's so nice to see you."

I didn't say a word. I just backed up. I couldn't see him. I couldn't be near him. I had kept him from Abigail and I just, couldn't bear to have him in my life right now. I had caused him so much hurt and I just…I couldn't do it.

"Brianna…who is this? Did you get busy after I left?"

He half-smiled but his eyes were also sad. He knew the answer.

"Gerard…" I forced myself to speak his name.

"Answer my question Brianna."  
"No Gerard, she's yours. This is your daughter Abigail."

"My daughter…"

We were sitting in the Starbucks located in the store. I sipped the coffee he had bought me nervously; he still knew my favorite.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't really know. I just, I didn't want you to stay if you didn't want too. I thought you wanted to move on and then with everything that had happened I thought that a child would be the last thing that you would want."

"Brianna…I wanted to stay. But you convinced me otherwise. I was stupid for letting you change my mind."

I looked up from the table and into his eyes.

"What?"  
"I wanted to stay…any reason would have done it for me."  
"But…"  
"No but, Brianna I loved you. I still love you and I always will."

"Mom!"

I looked over at Abigail in her car seat and took her out putting her in my lap. She stood up and leaned forward across the table, looking at Gerard.

"Can I hold her?"

"Of course."

He stood up and took her from me. He looked good holding a child even. He looked so…fatherly.

"Does anybody else know about her?"  
"Mikey and Bob actually."  
"What?"

"Mikey went to my first appointment with me."

"I should have been there. You should have told me."  
"I know I should have and I'm sorry but…things were stressed then."  
"I know. And I'm sorry I just left like that."  
"It's OK. I expected it to be like that."

A tear found its way down my cheek.

Gerard put Abbey on his knee and kneeled to wipe it from my face.

"Don't cry please."

Abbey reached up for me and when I held her she put her arms around my neck, like she was giving me a hug.

"Let me come over and talk."

I looked at him and thought about it. It was selfish of me to let him come over, but humans were selfish creatures and I desperately wanted to talk to him again, to see him and to maybe even hold him. I didn't know why, but I really had missed him. I needed him and so did Abigail.

I stood up and strapped her back in her seat.

"You can. My address is 1257 Maple Street, Lakeland Apartments." He nodded his head. I began to walk away but turned my head.

"And thanks for the coffee."

I heard his laugh as I walked out smiling.

Chapter 32: A Reunion

"Ms. Davis?"  
"Yes dear?"  
"Could you watch Abbey today? Her father is coming over to talk to me; he came back to town."  
"Oh of course child! You can drop her off right now."  
"Oh thank you Ms. Davis, thank you so much!"  
"No need to thank me, you are a wonderful mother and you have such a lovely child."

"Ms. Davis…"  
"Don't talk just bring her over!"

"OK."

I hung up the phone and put Abigail in the car to take her to her daycare.

I had no idea what I was going to wear. I hadn't seen him in a year and I didn't want to look like an idiot so I had better not dress like one. All of my clothes were shabby. Since I had given birth I only wore sweats or jeans and long sweaters.

I didn't have need for dresses or shirts from a store I was apparently too old for. I put on jeans and a white tee with the Tokio Hotel hoodie I had bought forever ago unzipped. I did my makeup as best I could and was somewhat happy with the result I got. I put on some strappy black heels and sat down waiting.

After a few minutes my door bell rang. I got up and ran to answer the door. I mentally prepared myself before I opened it. I smiled and opened the door.

"Hey." He greeted me.

"Hey" I said breathless. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a white dress shirt, unbuttoned to show some of his chest.

"Sorry I'm late but I was cleaning up at the house."  
"No problem."  
"Do you mind if we go somewhere to talk?"

"Like the park?"  
"Like out to eat. Where's Abbey?"  
"She's at her babysitters."

"Oh."

His face clouded a little but perked right back up when he realized we would be alone.

"So…Brianna…"

I looked up from my ravioli.

"I just I wanted to talk about maybe getting back together. I've missed you a lot and I love you and Abigail needs her father and I just…I love you. It was stupid of me to have left you like that I should have fought for you."

"Yes you should have."

My voice was a whisper. He laughed at my remark.

"I want to see you again. I want to be with you Brianna. Please let me back in your life."  
"Gerard…"  
"No, don't Gerard me. I love you! And I want Abbey to know her father."

"Gerard Abbey hasn't had a male role model for the past ten months. She does need her father…and I need him too."

He looked up at me and his hazel eyes sparkled.

"Brianna…" He reached across the table and took my hand. A simple gesture, but after so much time apart, it meant the world to the both of us. This was the most intimate and full of love gesture that we could make right now. I looked at him adoringly.

Other women might have said that I was making a mistake, but they would be wrong. Gerard was the best thing for me and he always had been. I had been stupid, a child. I was a year older now. Abigail had opened my eyes to everything around me. She had opened up my heart again.

"I should stay with you. I should come with you. She needs to start seeing me whenever possible…"

His voice trailed off as he became thoughtful.

"Gerard what…"  
"Come move in with me. I could paint her room and it could be perfect!"  
"But Gerard…well…she is little the move wouldn't affect her so much."

Was I seriously considering moving in with him? Yes, yes I was. I knew him and I loved him. He was familiar and warm. A safe place to go and he was her father.

"I'll pick you guys up in a week for the official move in but I'll be over as much as I can during that time, though now there's something I have to finish."

I raised my eyebrow at him but he shook his head. He followed me to our daughter's day care and then home, but as soon as we were inside he drove back to his place. I put Abbey in her crib and got settled down to go to bed.

I was falling asleep when I heard pebbles at my window. I stood up to go and open it when I saw Gerard standing outside. He walked through the plant beds and stood at the window. I slid the glass up and he stood there smiling at me.  
"Can I come in?"

I stood back and watched as he climbed through my bedroom window.

"What are you doing here?"  
"I wanted to see you."

I smiled. It made me feel good that he wanted to see me so badly that he would come back so quickly after he left.

"You look pretty."

I looked down at the gray sweats and white lace tank that I had worn to bed and rolled my eyes. He cupped my chin in his hand and looked into my eyes

"I lied. You look beautiful."

In a moment his mouth was pressed against mine, gentle but needy. And I needed him just as much as he needed me. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my body against his. He moaned deep in his throat and pulled me back throwing me on the bed where he took me completely. I gave willingly.

Chapter 33: Finishing

I woke up in the morning and looked over at her. She was so beautiful I could compare her to an angel. I got up hastily but trying to be as quiet as possible. I did up the zipper on my jeans and threw my tee on and ran down the hall and out the door and to my car. I knew she would be devastated in the morning but I needed to finish my painting. First I needed some breakfast. I headed to Starbucks and got some coffee and a blueberry muffin and drove home.

I dug around in my garbage until I found it: the unfinished piece. It was a compilation of paintings of her in a collage, a few of us together but mostly her. They took up a small piece of the canvas…most of it was a portrait of myself on one knee proposing to her. I had finished myself but still needed to draw the box and the ring and her without her face. I drew in red bubble letters at the bottom, 'Will you marry me?'

I looked at it again and decided that, right now and in this moment, it was wrong. I threw it out again and went to the art store to get new supplies. This time, it was all pictures of her from the way I remembered her. The moments that stuck out most in my mind. I drew Abigail as well. She took up a giant section of the easel.

I knew that I had to finish it quickly for I wanted to give it to her as soon as possible. I put it on my easel in the kitchen and ran to my room searching tirelessly to find the ring I had bought.

It seemed an age ago that I was at the jeweler's buying it for her. I got to work finishing my piece and then I went to the store to buy a frame for it. I knew now where I would break in to her house and place it. Where I would be waiting to ask her.


	12. Chapter 34,35,36,37

Chapter 34: Asking Questions

I woke up groggy. I stepped into the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water, before stepping into Abigail's room to get her up. I opened the door and peeked inside. I saw a pair of legs in the room and backed up. I ran to my room and grabbed the baseball bat I kept near the door. I held it up, at the ready and stepped in. I flailed it and hit whoever it was a few times before stopping for breath.

I saw Gerard slumped on the floor and covering his head.

"Please don't hit me. I know I've been a bad boy, but please don't hit me again."

I laughed and kneeled.

"I'm so sorry Gee! I thought you were a robber or a baby-napper." He sat up and smiled at me.

"I wanted to ask you something."

Just then, Abbey woke up and started crying, demanding food.

"Can it wait until Abbey gets fed?"

"Yes, yes it can."

I walked downstairs with Abbey and set her in her highchair. I then went about making her some oatmeal and getting a cup of milk for her. When she had her spoon and her cooled down bowl of oatmeal, she went to town.

"Now, what did you want to ask me?"

He pulled out a painting and handed it to me, covered.

I looked at him quizzically but he just stared at me. I uncovered it and looked at it, amazed. It was a framed collage of paintings of me. They were all memories from last year. The first time he had seen me, when I gave him a fry at McDonalds, our first date, our first kiss, when I had been in the hospital, when I had gotten drunk when we'd gone dancing, when we had watched _Chucky's Bride, _when I had taken him shoe shopping and at Mikey and Bob's dinner. He had drawn Abbey as he had first seen her.

I was crying! It was so sweet, so romantic. I could not believe that he had done this for me. I looked up to thank him, when I saw that he was down on one knee.

He was holding a velvet box and was looking at me with those eyes. Those gorgeous, I never want to look away from you eyes.

"Brianna, I love you so much. I never should have left you in the first place and I know that I never want to, ever again. I want to be there for you and Abbey."

She squealed when she heard her name.

"I want to be there for you for forever Bri. I love you and I want you to be mine. Forever and ever, because you are the only woman I see. You are the only woman I ever will see. Will you marry me?" I was crying now.

I got on the floor in front of him and held out my left hand.

"Yes. Yes I'll marry you Gerard."

Tears welled up in his eyes as he put the ring on my finger. I looked at it. It had a silver band but I knew it was special. On the inside, he had had them carve the date that we had met. It also had our initials carved into it. I smiled and tasted my tears.

I kissed him right there on my kitchen floor. The most passionate and love-filled kiss I thought I could ever give someone. I put my hand over his heart.

"I'll keep it safe."

He smiled and drew me into his arms, kissing me again.

Chapter 35: "It's Been So Long!"

I was walking around my house, rubbing my belly. There was a long scar on the left of my abdomen from where I had been cut open last year. It hurt to think about the life that I had lost. Moreover, Ray, oh god how I loved him. We had stayed in touch in every way possible. Now, he was back in town and we were going on a date tonight. He was taking me somewhere special and I was excited and giddy.

I had been looking through my closet for the past hour, trying to decide what to wear. I had finally decided on some black cropped skinny jeans and a shiny purple top, with a black belt that cinched at the waist. I had some metallic silver pumps and some dangling gold earrings I was wearing with them. I had just bought a black clutch, and it still had the tags on it. I looked at it and hoped that I looked cute. He had not seen me for a year, and I hoped that he still liked me. I still loved him.

My doorbell rang and I ran down the stairs, excited to finally see him again. I composed myself and rubbed my lips, spreading my lip-gloss. I ran my fingers through my hair and answered the door. I saw him there, curly afro and all. I smiled and he just smiled back. I could see that he had missed me as I much as I had missed him.

"Cameron, you look…you look breathtaking." I giggled and he smiled, holding his hand out to me.

"Shall we get going?" I took his hand as he led me to his car.

It felt like nothing had changed between us. Like he had never been gone. Always here with me, every day spending time with me. In his own way, he had been.

We had been driving in the car for at least a half an hour. I was very curious as to where we were going, but I stayed patient. We had been talking, catching up. He was telling me all about their new 'CD'.

"It's not really a CD. It's more like a DVD, but it comes with a CD of our live performance."

"So have you done it yet?"

"No, we just have the idea down. Right now we're trying to figure out where to have the last concert."

"Are you guys retiring?"

I was surprised. They loved this more than anything else they did.

"No, we're killing the Black Parade. We won't do it for at least another year obviously, but it's an idea that's floating around."

"Oh."

That made more sense.

"We're here."

I looked up and saw that we were at a little beach. It was small, and it looked more like a lake than an ocean, but it was so romantic and peaceful looking.

"Come on." He had gotten a picnic basket out of the trunk and was now holding his hand out again. I took it eagerly and he led me to a secluded place farther down from the car. The moonlight shone on the water and it looked storybook perfect. I closed my eyes and smelled the ocean. Salty as always.

Ray had finished setting everything out and I gasped. There was a champagne bottle sitting in an ice bucket. He had laid a blanket out and on it were the most delicious looking steaks and potatoes I had ever seen. I sniffed the air and smelled cherry pie, my favorite. I sat down across from him and smiled.

"This is all so romantic." He chuckled.

"I wanted to do something special for you."

He poured two glasses of champagne. We bumped glasses and I smiled at him adoringly.

"This certainly is special."

We ate our dinner, occasionally talking. Mostly we basked in each other's presence. It had been a year since we had actually seen each other, and I wanted to hold this memory forever.

We had moved onto dessert when he had pulled out a little radio, and turned it on. Sinatra came on and I chuckled. He was really making every effort to impress.

I had just finished my slice of pie, when he asked me to dance with him. I could only nod my head as I stood up. He pulled me into his arms. We were very close together as we twirled around in the sand. I laughed, as I had not in a long time. I was having so much fun.

I looked into his eyes, wanting to capture this moment. He moved closer to me, and kissed me deeply. It was passionate, and sweet. At the same, time needy and fiery. He knew just how to kiss me. I had been waiting for his kiss for a year. I was glad that I had. He kissed me again, this time hungrily. I groaned and he retreated.

"Wait. There's something I want to do first." My curiosity peaked.

He got down on one knee and stared into my eyes. I could see all the love he held for me, in his own.

"Cameron, you are the sun in my world. You make me smile whenever I see you. We have been through so much together. When I was away from you, this past year, it hurt, my heart hurt. I need to be with you always because; I will not ever be able to find someone else like you. I love you and I need you. Will you marry me?"

I was choking on my tears and my throat was too thick to allow me to speak, so I just nodded. He put a ring on my finger and I smiled through my tears. This time, I was the one who kissed him. He smiled through it.

"Where were we?"

"We were right here."

Then we fell down in the sand.

Chapter 36: Should We?

I was sitting in my favorite chair, with my favorite coffee, snuggling with my favorite man. We were browsing the internet looking for something specific.

"I don't know if we'll find the right one."

"Don't say that. We have too. We've been wanting this for so long…if we can't find the child to complete this…then I don't know what I'd do."

Bob was rubbing my arm trying to console me. It was working a little bit. We had been searching for days on every adoption site out there and we had not found a needy child who would fit into our family.

"Bobby…I'm giving up hope."

He could hear the dejected tone in my voice. I was about to cry.

"Mikey…we'll find a child. I know we will. There has to be some little baby out there who needs our help."

I nodded my head and wiped away my tears. I was being foolish, of course. This was why I needed Bob. He was the cool head in situations like this, where I, I tended to get a little drama queen.

I shook my head and prepared myself for weeks more searching. We were searching one particular site, when we found a little girl. She was only about two years old and she was from India. She had dark black hair, and dark commanding blue eyes. As soon as I saw her, I fell in love.

"Oh Bobby…"

I could see that Bob wanted her too. Her name was Aashi.

I called our adoptive agent and told her that we had found the perfect little girl. We faxed her over all the information and told her to take care of everything. Bob told her that we would pay any price to have her here with us.

I clapped my hands excitedly.

"Bobby…we're starting a family!"

I was so excited. I intertwined his fingers in mine and sighed.

"I'm so happy."

Truly I was. It had been a dream of mine to have a family for the longest time. I had thought that I would never get to have one. Now, we were going to adopt a little girl!

"I know Mikey. I am so excited and nervous. But I'm glad that I'm starting this family with you."

"Oh, Bob. That's so sweet."

I cuddled up close to him and just held him.

"How should we decorate her room?"

"I don't know."  
" Should we do something with Indian culture? Just in case she misses it?"

"That's a good idea Mikey. Do you want too decorate the room?"

My eyes lit up and I started bouncing up and down in the chair. I knew there was a reason I had picked him.

"Bob you know me so well!" I squealed.

I threw my arms around him and gave him the biggest hug.

"I can't believe we're going to be parents!"

"I can't believe it either, Mikey. It'll definitely be new."

I nodded my head in agreement. It definitely would be. I kissed his cheek before I got up to make some more coffee.

"Do you want anything while I'm up?"

"Do we have any more of that cake?" I rolled my eyes.

He loved my chocolate bundt cake with the powdered sugar and milk glaze.

"Yes, we should have some left. Do you want some coffee to go with it?"

"Do we have any of the hazelnut mix left?" I smiled.

"Not anymore." He laughed from our chair.

I peeked around the corner and saw him, in our big armchair by the blaze. God he looked so good. I could not wait to be back over there cuddling up with him by the toasty fire. I brought out his cake and snuggled next to him, while I drank my coffee. I wanted to bask in the glory of this moment.

Our fax machine started to whir. I groaned and got up. I instantly brightened when I saw what they were. The papers we had to sign to make that little girl ours. I went to grab a pen and we started to fill our future out.

Chapter 37: I Hate Surprises

I was scared. Jamia had just called me from the house saying that we needed to talk. My defenses were up, and I was sweating. What could she possibly say? I was scared shitless. God I was sweating buckets!

I pulled into the drive of the home I shared with my wife, and turned the car off. I sat in the car for a short while, mentally preparing myself for whatever was to come. _Dammit, Frank, you're a man. Now go in there and handle yourself like one! _I nodded my head and prepared myself again.

I got out of the car and walked into my home. Jamia was sitting there in the front room. I sat next to her and held her hand.

"Is something wrong?"

She turned to me, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Oh god what happened?"

She shook her head so I went silent. I was giving her time to get her voice back.

"You know how we didn't want kids?"

I nodded my head. Oh god.

"Well I'm pregnant."

I did not know how to react. We had both made it very clear when we had first met that we had not wanted any kids. Now, that she was pregnant, I was somewhat happy. Exuberant actually. I could not wait to be a father. I looked at her.

"So, when did you find out?"

"Yesterday afternoon."

"And you waited to tell me?"

"I wanted to be sure. So I went to the doctor today, and he confirmed it."

"Are you sad?"

She looked at me and shook her head.

"I hadn't really thought about kids at all Frank. But now that one's coming…I want it."

I nodded my head and kissed her.

"I want it too."

She smiled.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I didn't really think about it either. Now I want to be a father. I want this baby."

I saw her smile, a real genuine heart-warming smile. I held her to me and we watched a movie the rest of the night. _I was going to be a father. _


	13. Chapter 38END

Chapter 38: Forever Means Forever

Gerard had stayed with us the entire morning, spending time with Abbey and me. He had taken us to the park and played with her, as if he had never been away. I smiled at them. They really did look alike. Abbey had definitely gotten more from him than she had from me. However, that was OK I thought he was gorgeous. He absolutely loved to push her on the swings, and going down the slide with her. He even let her 'push' him down the slide. She had giggled. He even at one point ran up the slide and took her back down with him.

After the park, we had all gone to eat at Blimpie's. We had all eaten subs and then he had taken us home. I had gotten a peck on the cheek before he went home. He had to shower and change, and then he would be right back.

I kissed Abbey's forehead before putting her down for her afternoon nap. She was tuckered out from all the playing she had done that morning. I yawned and went to clean up the house.

There were toys everywhere! I thought that I had been teaching Abbey well. Apparently, I was just a wishful thinker. I had been at it for about a half-hour when I heard a car pull up in the driveway.

Gerard walked in, carrying a few boxes.  
"Gerard…?"

"I figured we could start packing up some stuff, to move to my house."

"Oh."

I had completely forgotten that we were moving in together.

"Bri…do you want to wait?"

"I don't know…I just…I completely forgot that we were moving in together."

"We can wait Bri."

I shook my head.

"Gerard…I waited a year for you to come back. I am not waiting any longer."

I kissed him lightly on the lips. He intertwined his fingers in mine.

"So…when do you want to start packing your stuff?"

He breathed into my hair.

"We should probably do it now. While Abbey is napping."

"OK." I shivered with delight.

We took many of the breakable things out of the house first. Also, some of the plants I had kept around. We had cleared out the room where I had kept all my music stuff.

"Didn't you quit the music business?"

"Yeah, but I still kept this stuff. I had more, but I sold it off to help pay the hospital bills when Abbey was born."

His eyes looked so pained. Guilty.

"I should have been there Brianna. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I thought you didn't want to stay. I am so fucked up. I thought you couldn't handle it, my life. I didn't want to give you an excuse to stay, if you didn't want too."

"Brianna…I wanted to stay. You convinced me with your attitude, that you didn't want me."

"Gerard, I always wanted you. I just didn't want to trap you in a life…a life I couldn't be sure you were OK with living."

His eyes were tearing up. Mine were as well.

"Bri…oh Bri…I wanted to have kids with you."

"Kids?"

"Yes, plural." I looked into his eyes.

He smiled at me. I knew that we had worked it out. We finished filling up the boxes he had brought.

"I'll take these home."

_Home._ I loved the idea of the word. We would finally be a family.

I knew then that I had been wrong. I should have told him from the beginning. He should have been with me, not Mikey. I drew him into my arms and kissed him.

"I love you and I was wrong. I accept that now. I'll have to live with my choices and my mistakes."

"Brianna…"

"As soon as we're all moved in…I think we should start working on giving Abbey a sibling."

I looked up at him. He was smiling.

"I think that is an excellent idea."

He kissed me then. That's how I knew, we would be together forever.

Chapter 39: 8 Months Later

Gerard and I had finished moving in together a few months ago. We had decided to hold off on trying for more kids. We both wanted to be married first. The wedding was in two days.

Gerard was packing his suitcase. He was staying in a hotel the last two days before. I sure would miss him. He was walking downstairs now. I opened the door for him.

"Eager for me to go, huh?"

I hugged him.

"Never."

He kissed my nose. I giggled. He smiled against my hair.

"Kiss me before you go."

"Yes ma'am."

I chuckled as his lips brushed mine. I tangled my fingers in his hair and held him to me, not wanting to let him go. Eventually I did though, and he left. I shed a tear.

Then I looked out the window. Cameron and Mikey were here. They were staying with me. They were going to be my bridesmaids. Well, Cameron would be my Maid of Honor. However, Mikey would be my Best Person.

I opened the door for them. Cameron had gotten married just a few months ago. Then she had recently gotten pregnant. Frank's wife, Jamia was about ready to pop. Mikey and Bob, they were finalizing their adoption. They had shown everyone pictures of their 'little angel'. She was very adorable. I was happy for everyone. It seemed our little group was in family mode now.

"How have you guys been?"

"Sick." Cameron looked at me. "Being pregnant sucks."

"Trust me honey I know." She laughed.

"Hey Mikey! Any closer?"

"Yes! She should be on a plane next week. Bobby and I just can not wait for our little girl."

I rubbed the back of his shoulder.

"I'm excited for you." "Are you guys' hungry?"

"Yeah I could eat." I rolled my eyes at Cameron.

"Where's Abbey?" Mikey asked.

"She's with her babysitter. Until after the wedding. Then she's going with you, remember?" Mikey nodded. I was letting them 'borrow' Abbey to help train them for what it was like to take care of a kid. They were going to be in for the time of their lives with her.

An hour later, we were sitting in Blimpie's eating sub sandwiches. It felt as if just yesterday I had been sitting here with Gerard and Abbey.

"So, are you guys thinking about having more kids?"

"Huh?" I looked up at them.

"Are you guys having more kids?" Cameron asked.

"Oh yeah I think so. After our honeymoon."

"Ooh!" Mikey squealed like a little girl. I rolled my eyes.

That night, I lay in bed thinking. Tomorrow was my bachelorette party. Cameron and Mikey were going out on the town with me. I really did not want to do anything major. I think we were just going to a fancy restaurant and then watching a bunch of movies.

I went to sleep thinking of Gerard, Abbey, and the little baby growing inside my belly. I hadn't told anyone. It was going to be a surprise for Gerard after the wedding.

I rubbed my belly and went to sleep whispering,

"I love you baby."

Chapter 40: _The_ Day

I was so nervous. My hands were shaking. I had just put my dress on…and even I thought I looked breathtaking. I usually was not a vain person…but I just could not help it.

Cameron was doing my hair while Mikey did my makeup. They had both gotten dressed before me. My eyes were currently closed. I was thinking about the baby, my Abbey and my Gerard. God I could not wait to finally be his. I just wanted to speed up the rest of this day.

I arrived at the church right on time. I got out of the car and ran to the front door. I was handed my bouquet. I put my veil down and watched as Mikey and Cameron walked down the aisle before me, on the arms of Frank and Bob respectively.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward. Everybody had risen. I wished the music would go faster, so I could stand next to him. He looked so ravishing in his suit. His black hair all disheveled. He knew that was how I liked it.

I smiled through my veil. As soon as I got to where he was, I passed my flowers off. Gerard took my veil off and threw it to Mikey. I laughed. I wanted to kiss him right now.

"We have gathered here today…" I tapped the priest on the shoulder.

"Could we maybe skip to the very end?"

Gerard laughed. He nodded his head and the priest shrugged.

"Do you, Brianna Mayfield, take Gerard Way to be your lawfully wedded husband, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." I breathed.

"Do you, Gerard Way, take Brianna Mayfield to be your lawfully wedded wife, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

I shuddered at his voice. So gruff and sexy. God, I wanted to skip the reception now too.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride!"

Gerard took me into his arms and stared deeply into my eyes. I felt like he was looking into my very soul.

"Love you forever."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he took my face in his hands.

"I love you." I breathed.

His lips finally met mine. I could taste the coffee on them, probably from earlier that morning. He pulled back and then kissed me again. His tongue found its way into my mouth very quickly. Right as I began to cup his face, he stepped away smiling.

We had both forgotten that we were in a _church _full of people. Somebody grunted. Gerard kissed me once more and intertwined his fingers in mine. We walked down the aisle together, my head resting on his shoulder.

We said hello to all the guests who had come. Then we piled into our limo and headed off to the reception hall.

Chapter 41: The Rest of Forever

The music was soft and slow. We had just started our first dance. We had picked out the song, 'Hero' by Enrique Iglesias. Yes, it may be overused, but we knew it was for us.

I rested my head on his shoulder. I had no idea how to dance. He just led me around, spinning occasionally. He whispered in my ear how much he loved me. I told him how much I loved him. Sometimes he would whisper silly romantic things. Sometimes they were not silly. Some might not have even called them romantic. I shivered with delight. I could not wait until our honeymoon.

"Mommy!"

I laughed as Abbey ran out onto the floor. I scooped her up into my arms. I held her between us. Gerard put his arms around the both of us and we danced.

"I love the both of you so much."

I kissed Abbey's cheek, and then Gerard's. The song was ending.

"Guys, there's something I want to tell you."

My eyes danced as they both looked at me.

"I'm pregnant."

Gerard stared at me speechless. His eyes were alive with excitement. Tears were welling up in his eyes. He looked so happy! Finally, he would get to be there for his child, from the beginning.

"Pegant?" Abbey asked.

"There's another baby in Mommy's tummy."

Abbey's eyes lit up when I explained it to her.

"Daddy, Mommy is having a baby!" He nodded his head.

"I know. You're going to be a big sister!" She looked excited.

The song ended. Gerard stepped onto the floor with his mother. They danced for a few minutes before the song ended. There would be no father/daughter dance for me. My father had died a few years ago.

A soft melody played and a hand was stretched toward me. I looked up and saw Bob.

"I hope that it's alright, if I take the place of your father for this dance."

I nodded, tears in my eyes. He took me out onto the dance floor.

"Bob…this…this means so much to me."

"Gee told me your dad died. I thought that you deserved a special dance."

I kissed his cheek and smiled. He blushed a light pink.

"Bob, thank you so much."

He shrugged his shoulders. I laughed. He was moving me expertly around the floor.

"I didn't know you could dance."

"Mikey and I took a class. It was one of the first things we did together."

"So it was one of your first dates?"

"Yeah I guess you could put it that way."

"What do you mean?"

"We didn't go out on 'dates.' It was always just us spending time together and getting to know each other. We never put a label on our time. We still do not. If I take him out, it's us time."

"I like that. Us time. I may steal that." He chuckled.

"Go ahead."

We twirled around the dance floor a little longer, and the song finally ended.

"Thank you Bob. It really did mean a lot."

He did a little bow, then went back to sit with Mikey, Frank and Jamia.

We were having so much fun dancing and talking that we were surprised when Jamia yelled.

"Oh god! Oh god!"

I rushed over to her side. I saw the puddle underneath her feet.

"Frank…it's go time."

He nodded his head. We both held onto her arms and helped her out to their car.

"We'll meet you at the hospital."

He nodded and stepped on the gas. I ran back inside and told Gerard. He picked Abbey up and we were all running outside. Mikey and Bob, Gerard and Me. The other guests were busy having fun. We told them to stay and enjoy themselves.

I buckled Abbey into her car seat and we were speeding down the street, right behind the boys.

When we arrived at the hospital, Jamia was already going into labor. There was a doctor already in her room, helping to prepare her. Frank looked scared. I would have been too in his position. However, when I had given birth, I had had no one there for me. I had been by myself. I squeezed Gerard's hand tightly. This was what was waiting for us.

He looked scared too. We waited outside for a few minutes, before they came out. They were wheeling the bed down the hallway at an alarming pace and telling a doctor to prep for surgery. Frank came out looking dead.

"Frank, what's going on?" Gerard asked him.

"The baby…the cord is around her neck. They caught it just in time but it is cutting off her supply of oxygen. They have to have an emergency c-section."

"Oh god." I whispered.

My heart broke for him. I hoped his baby would be OK. Frank ran down the hall. He had to stand outside the operating room though. He sank to his knees and started to cry. I put my hands on my own belly, now fearful for the life inside me.

"It'll be OK Bri. Their baby and ours."

I nodded my head, but still held my belly.  
"You're pregnant?" Mikey came out of nowhere and stared at me.

"I'm hurt that you didn't tell me."

"I wanted to tell the father first."

He smiled and gave me a hug.

"I told you everything would be all right baby!"

I laughed as he repeated what he had said, lying in the hospital bed.

We stared through the window at Jamia and Frank's little girl. She was adorable! They had decided to name her Ebony. I smiled at her. She was sleeping right now. I could not help but want our new baby right now.

I kissed Gerard for the thousandth time that day.

"Let's go home."

He nodded and took Abbey from me. We could leave for our honeymoon in the morning.

"Mikey, you're going to have to come over early and get her."

"Alright. I'll be there at five."

"Thanks." I kissed his cheek and squeezed Bob's hand.

It seemed like I would not see my friends for a long time.

Chapter 42: A Year Later

I was at the park, Gerard holding my arm and Abbey's hand. She ran off ahead, of course. He kissed my cheek and ran after her. I took the cover off the stroller, let Tyler, and Brandon look around for the first time. They had never been to the park before. The twins were only three months old.

We were waiting for everyone else to get here. It had been a while since we had seen everyone. Mikey and Bob's little girl, Aashi, had just turned four. Frank and Jamia's little girl, Ebony, had just turned one. She was a little fighter just like her father. However, she had her mother's eyes. I loved to look at pictures of her that Gerard brought home from practice.

Ray and Cameron had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. She had Cameron's hair color, but her father's hair and his eyes. She was about four months old. I had only seen her a few times.

We had all been secluded in our own little family worlds. The guys only saw each other when they were at work. Then it was family time. I smiled at Abbey. She was almost three years old. She had straight black hair, and hazel eyes like her daddy. However, she had her mommy's nose and lips.

Mikey had just arrived. He let go of Aashi and let her join Abbey and Gee.

"Bob went to park the car."

I nodded my head.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too Bri. This kid is a handful. She is so active!" I laughed.

"Abbey is pretty energetic too."  
"I really should not complain. Three kids is an awful lot Bri!"

"I know. I was excited though, when I heard it would be twins. I quit my jobs a few weeks ago. I wanted to spend more time with the kids."

"I know. I think that Bob and I are going to adopt again. A little Chinese girl. It will take a few years at the least, but I want another child. And so does Bob. He's so good with Aashi, Bri."

I could believe it.

"He loves her so much, he really does."

"I bet he does Mikey. I don't doubt for a second that he is a wonderful father. I bet you both are."

I rubbed his arm and he blushed.

"Thank you. I know that you are a wonderful mother. And I always thought Gee would be a great Dad. Seems I was right."

We stared at Abbey jumping up and down on her father. I laughed.

"Abbey, please stop that!"

I yelled. She smiled, flashing her teeth and got off her Dad.

Ray and Cameron arrived pushing a stroller that contained their little girl, Jordan.

"She's so adorable!" I said to Cameron.

She had new wrinkles, but she looked happier than ever. I heard that she and Ray had just renewed their vows. They seemed to be doing very well for themselves. I was happy. Frank and Jamia came up behind us then.

"Go play Ebony."

Frank told his daughter. He pointed the other kids out, and they waved to her. Her curly black hair blew behind her as she ran.

"She's adorable."

"Thanks." Jamia answered. I nodded my head.

I watched our children playing together. Bob had joined Gerard as a child plaything. I giggled at how silly they could be. I sat down on a park bench. I got Tyler out and fed him the breast milk I had pumped.

"I can't believe that he's going. Yeah, but it is for the best. I'm going too." Frank said.

"Going where?" I was confused.

"Gerard and I are quitting My Chem. after this CD and tour."

"What? But you guys love it." I stared at my husband. "But he loves it."

"Yeah, but he loves his family more." Ray answered.

"Besides, I think we were all going to quit soon. He just did it first."

I was dumbstruck. Gerard loved the band. He was going to quit for me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I fed Tyler. I looked down at the little babies. He was doing it for family.

"I can't believe that he would do that." I shook my head. I took the bottle out of his mouth, moving him to my shoulder to burp him. When I picked him up he smiled, closed his eyes, and stuck his tongue out. I beamed at him. Gerard quit for the same reason I had. _Our Family. _ I continued to burp our baby.

I knew exactly why he had done it. I looked at my life and my loves. My Chemical Romance may have been ending soon, but our family was just beginning. All of us, we were all a family. I smiled and looked at each of my family members. I loved each and every one of them.

That night Gerard and I tucked our children into bed. We each took turns kissing them goodnight. I got ready for bed and felt arms snake around my waist.

"Our children are beautiful."

"They have a beautiful father."

"They have a ravishing, gorgeous, breathtakingly beautiful mother."

Tears formed in my eyes for the second time that day.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because you are so sweet. I love you Gerard Way and I wouldn't trade you for anyone in the entire world."

"I love you too baby. I love you so much, that nothing in the entire world could stop me from being here."

"Not even your band."

"Not even the band."

He kissed my lips, ever so lightly. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him.

I could not wait to spend the rest of forever in this man's arms. I saw him walking Abigail down the aisle. I saw him teaching the boys how to be men. I saw us at our kids' high school graduations. At each one of their school functions. At the birth of our grandchildren. I could see us on the porch, rocking back and forth, holding hands. Still as much in love as the first time I had met him.

"I will stand by you forever." I giggled at the quoted lyrics.

"I will love you forever, cry when you cry, and laugh when you laugh. I will be there for forever." I answered.

I kissed him one last time before we went to bed that night. My hand found his as we were sleeping. I cuddled up next to him. I breathed him in. He held me close to him. I knew that I had made the right choice in a husband. I had gotten everything right.

I dreamt of our past and our future that night. I dreamt of every touch and every moment we had ever spent together. I kissed his chin and nestled in closer, to my one and only love. The father of my children, and the man I would love for the rest of forever. My very own, one true love.

THE END


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